The Complete Guide to Becoming a White Rapper

So, you wanna be a white rapper, huh? You dream of spittin’ bars, rockin’ stages, and rollin’ in Benjamins like your heroes Eminem, Macklemore, and Lil Dicky. Well, aspiring MC, you’ve come to the right place. This comprehensive guide will teach you everything you need to know to go from suburban struggler to hip-hop superstar.

Step 1: Cultivate Your Image First impressions are everything in the rap game. You need the right look to be taken seriously as a white rapper. Here are the essentials:

• Tattoos. The more the better. Extra points if they look like sharpie scribbles a toddler drew. Consider getting a face tat to prove you’re bout that life.
• Grillz. Nothing says “I made it” like a mouthful of gold and diamonds. Start saving those Tooth Fairy checks.
• Designer streetwear. You better rock the freshest limited edition Supreme, Bape, Off-White, and Yeezy gear to flex on the haters. Forget your 401k, clothes are the investment.
• Chains. Bust out that Bar Mitzvah money and ice yourself out with some big gaudy gold chains. Preferably with pendants the size of hubcaps.

Congrats, you’re already looking more legit than Lonely Island! On to the next step.

Step 2: Perfect Your Slang Ay yo son, you gotta learn to spit that slick talk, ya feel me? Brush up on your rap slang to keep it 💯. Here’s some must-know terms:

• Finna = Gonna, about to. “I’m finna bust a freestyle.”
• Trap = Drug dealing spot, or now just any place you hang out. “Bouta hit the trap with the squad.”
• Yeet = An excited exclamation. “I got the Yeezys for retail price, YEET!”
• Stan = A die-hard fan. “Ayo I stan Russ, he the GOAT.”
• Cap = Lie, bullshit. “You’re saying you wrote those bars? That’s cap.”
• Slaps = When a song is really good. “Bro this new Jack Harlow slaps!”
• No cap = Seriously, for real. “Your bars are straight garbage my guy, no cap.”
• Bet = Okay, sure. “You tryna hit the studio later?” “Bet.”

Don’t worry if you sound like an undercover cop at first, the lingo will become second nature with practice. Deadass!

Step 3: Master the Rap Skills Aight player, now it’s time to focus on your craft. To spit that hot fire, you gotta put in work on the mic. Here’s how to step up your rap skills:

• Freestyling. This is spontaneous, improvised rapping off the top of the dome. You need to be able to bust a freestyle anytime, anywhere – the lunchroom, the locker room, the boardroom. Start with basic words like cat, mat, hat and work your way up to multisyllabic rhymes.
• Writing bars. Sit down and put pen to pad to compose your masterpiece verses. Be sure to use “I” and “me” as much as possible. Throw in a few tortured metaphors and soon you’ll have your very own “Lose Yourself.”
• Breath control. Learn some circular breathing techniques so you can spit a 32 bar verse in one breath. Passing out is not a good look on stage.
• Rapping fast. Nothing impresses basic rap fans like rapping super fast. Who cares if no one can understand what you’re saying, it sounds cool! Practice tongue twisters like “Little Lucy likes licking lemons and Lil Pump lyrics” to get your motor mouth skills up.

Now that you’ve got the fundamentals down, let’s work on your subject matter.

Step 4: Pick Your Content Rappers are known for speaking their truth and keeping it real. Here are the most common topics you should stick to for maximum authenticity:

How rich and successful you are Be sure to constantly remind listeners how much cash you have, all the designer clothes and jewelry you own, and all the expensive cars you whip. Definitely mention Maybachs and Bugattis, even if you drive a Prius.

• “I make it rain, so much money I need a poncho”
• “Hopped out the Lambo, in Ferragamo flip flops and a Versace robe”
• “My neck so icy, gave my pitbull pneumonia”
• “All blue hunnids cuz I don’t mess with small bills”

How many haters and enemies you have All the biggest rappers have legions of haters. Make sure to call out all the ops, fakes, and snakes trying to keep you down.

• “These lames wanna beef cuz they salty, but I eat haters for breakfast”
• “I was stabbed in the back so many times I got swiss cheese organs”
• “Yall just mad cuz I made it and you’re stuck at your mama’s crib”
• “98 problems and these gossiping dudes are all of em”

How much sex you have with hot girls Exaggerate your sexual prowess and desirability to the opposite sex. Be as crude and explicit as possible while objectifying women.

• “She a Barbie, I’m Ken, let’s make a sex tape”
• “Girls line up just to get in my bedroom, call that the queue-ties”
• “I like big butts in tiny thongs, the kinda donks you could land a helicopter on”
• “I’m swimming in ladies so much, my life’s a Pussypool party”

How hard you go in the club Paint a picture of your wild, turnt up lifestyle full of drugs, drinking and non-stop partying.

• “Sippin on sizz’, rolling on E, this how it is errday”
• “Gettin lit, taking shots, till we seeing double – YOLO that’s the motto”
• “Sun’s up, still turnt up, we rave till the break of dawn”
• “One more round, drink it down, live for the night even though it’s morning now”

How tough and dangerous you are Let em know you’re a real hard gangsta despite growing up in a cul-de-sac. The more comically exaggerated the threats, the better.

• “You don’t wanna see me mad, Incredible Hulk up in the lab”
• “On my momma I’ll wallop ya, drop ya, and throw you in a garbage compactor”
• “Step up and get burnt up like you tried to microwave a metal spoon”
• “I’m Dexter slicing up all you clowns into funny little pieces for my amusement”

Now that you’ve got your content down, it’s time to build your fanbase and come up in the game.

Step 5: Build Your Brand To make an impact, you’ve gotta get your name out there and get people talking about you. Try some of these tactics:

• Soundcloud. Start uploading your tracks and freestyles on Soundcloud. Be sure to use lots of hashtags like #Bars #Fire #Lit so the blogs can find you.
• Instagram. You need an Instagram to stunt on these lames. Make a flashy music video of you rapping in a rented Rolls Royce and post 15 second clips. Caption them with your lyrics and a bunch of 🔥💸💎🥇⚡ emojis.
• YouTube. Shoot some low-budget videos of you rapping in graffiti-covered alleys and abandoned warehouses. Basically anywhere with a chain link fence. Don’t forget to rock a ski mask for that authentic street vibe.
• Rap Beefs. Nothing gets you recognition like taking shots at a more famous rapper. Accuse someone like Drake or J Cole of stealing your bars or flow. Even if you get ethered in a diss track, all publicity is good publicity!
• Clout Chasing. Do whatever it takes to go viral. Jump on remix trends, cover popular songs in your squeaky flow, or start a fake relationship with an Instagram model. Dance in the background of other artists’ live streams and scream “Yo follow me @LilWhiteboi!” The goal is to be so obnoxious that people have to notice you.

Once you’ve got some buzz, it’s time to take things to the next level and get that cheddar.

Step 6: Get The Bag Alright playa, by now you should have a respectable following of at least 13 core fans. Time to leverage that audience into a money-making empire. These are the revenue streams you need to focus on:

• Streaming. Get your tracks on Spotify, Apple Music, Tidal, and all the other streaming platforms. You’ll be rolling in fractions of cents in no time!
• Shows. Start booking gigs anywhere that will have you, from high school dances to hot dog stands to your little cousin’s birthday party. Demand at least a $20 guarantee plus unlimited Monster Energy drinks.
• Merch. Inflate your clout by selling branded merch to your stans. Just copy the OVO owl, slap your rap name on it, and boom – $40 hoodies and $80 sweatpants. That’s passive income, baby.
• Brand Endorsements. Reach out to brands and offer to promote their products. You could be the next Paul Wall pimping Sour Patch Kids or Vince Staples shilling for Sprite.
• Features. DM every struggling Soundcloud rapper and mumble rapper offering features for $75 a pop. Quantity over quality. If anyone blows up, you can say you put them on.

Hopefully by this point you’ve gone from ashy to classy and are enjoying that baller lifestyle. Just don’t forget about me, your favorite white rap guru, when you’re stunting on the red carpet at the Grammys. I’ll settle for a shoutout on No Jumper.

Bonus: White Rapper Name Generator If you’re still struggling to find the perfect rap alias, try out our handy White Rapper Name Generator! Just take a random word and put “Lil” in front of it. Not clever enough? Add “Yung”, “Boi”, or “Kiddo” to the end. Here are some examples:

• Lil Kale
• Yung Pumpkin Spice
• Lil Chompers
• Kiddo Kohl’s Cash
• Lil Unseasoned
• Yung Pinot Grigio
• Lil SPF 100
• Kiddo Kayak
• Lil Farmer’s Market
• Yung Mild Salsa

The possibilities are endless! Have fun and happy cultural appropriating!