Your liver doesn’t email HR. It files complaints straight through your body, and the 9 signs your liver would like to speak to your manager get weird fast. Yellow eyeballs. Cold-brew pee. An itch with no rash. Add mystery bruises, a swollen gut, spider veins and breath that strips paint. Then, gentlemen, add a chest…
The best snacks for watching your neighbor’s boat get repossessed are quiet, one-handed, and crunchy enough to drown out your own giggling. Kettle corn, ballpark franks, soft pretzels, and shrimp cocktail lead the lineup. A pineapple upside-down cake closes the show, because dessert should match the neighbor’s balance sheet. Every cul-de-sac has a Gary. Gary…
The best budget decorating ideas for the shed you’re calling a guesthouse come down to a real mattress, blackout curtains, free paint, thrifted furniture, and warm light. Spend on sleep and safety first. Everything else is lipstick on a riding mower. A shed guesthouse is a backyard outbuilding with a bed, a light, a locking…
A flea market bellybutton piercing is a stranger punching a hole in your torso, usually within spitting distance of a table full of haunted dolls. Before his hands go anywhere near your waistband, ask about sterile needles, licensing, jewelry metal and his blood alcohol level. A shrug means keep your shirt on. People grill a…
The worst things to hear from a barber holding a weed whacker include “hold still,” “tuck those in” and pretty much any sentence that ends with the word “downstairs.” If the engine’s already running, it’s too late to fake a phone call. A Saturday trim just became a hostage situation with a cape. The Worst…
Cheap tequila starts making decisions somewhere between the third pour and the moment you tell a stranger they have an old soul. The signs the cheap tequila is about to start making decisions never really change. Standards drift early. The phone leaves your pocket like a gun in act two, and everyone at the table…