5 Kinds of People You Shouldn’t Talk to at Parties

Picture this: you’re at a lively party, surrounded by a sea of chattering guests, holding a drink in your hand, and trying to navigate the social waters. Parties can be a blast, but they can also be a minefield of interesting characters. Today, we’re going to delve into the 5 kinds of people you should steer clear of at parties. These partygoers may be entertaining in their own right, but trust me, engaging with them could lead to a night you won’t soon forget (and not in a good way).

The Over-Enthusiastic Conspiracy Theorist

You’ve just taken a sip of your drink, and there they are, lurking in the corner of the room, eyes gleaming with excitement. The over-enthusiastic conspiracy theorist is a party staple, always ready to regale you with tales of government cover-ups, alien abductions, and the latest theory about lizard people controlling the world.

Engaging with this individual can be like stepping into a whirlwind of absurd ideas and wild speculations. They’ll tell you how the moon landing was faked, the Earth is flat, and your toaster is actually a government surveillance device. It’s all delivered with unwavering conviction and a fervor that could power a small city.

You might be tempted to engage in a debate, but remember, trying to reason with a conspiracy theorist is like trying to nail jelly to a wall – messy and ultimately futile. So, when you spot that glint in their eye and hear the words “I’ve got proof,” it’s best to gracefully make your escape and find someone who’s grounded in reality.

The Self-Proclaimed Life Coach

Ah, the self-proclaimed life coach, a perennial favorite at parties. They’ve read a few self-help books, attended a weekend seminar, and suddenly, they’re the experts on all things life-related. They’ll corner you at the buffet table and dispense unsolicited advice on how to achieve your dreams, unlock your potential, and manifest abundance.

Listening to the self-proclaimed life coach can be a rollercoaster of emotions. One moment, you’ll feel inspired to conquer the world, and the next, you’ll wonder if you’ve wasted your entire life up until this point. They’ll tell you to visualize your success, meditate for hours on end, and give up carbs because “carbs are the enemy of success.”

The danger here is falling into the rabbit hole of self-help jargon and ending up with a vision board that’s bigger than your actual life. So, when you encounter the self-proclaimed life coach, nod politely, take their advice with a grain of salt, and remember that success comes in many forms, including enjoying that delicious cheese dip at the party.

The One-Upper Extraordinaire

You’ve just shared a funny story with a group of friends, and here comes the one-upper extraordinaire to steal your thunder. No matter what you’ve done, they’ve done it bigger, better, and more extravagantly. You hiked a mountain? They climbed Everest while juggling flaming torches. You got a promotion at work? They’re the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, of course.

Dealing with the one-upper can be an exercise in humility and restraint. They’ll constantly top your achievements with their own, leaving you feeling like you’re in a never-ending game of social one-upmanship. It’s as if they have a mental Rolodex of impressive feats at their disposal.

The key here is not to engage in a competitive showdown. Instead, give them a gracious nod and a smile, and maybe even throw in a sarcastic, “Wow, you win!” Remember, it’s not about who has the most impressive resume; it’s about enjoying the party and the people you’re with.

The Eternal Monologuer

You find yourself trapped in a corner with the eternal monologuer, a partygoer who’s mastered the art of the uninterrupted soliloquy. They’ll start a sentence, and before you know it, you’re on a journey through their life story, complete with every detail, from their first pet’s name to their favorite brand of toothpaste.

Listening to the eternal monologuer can be an exercise in patience. They’ll talk and talk, leaving you with only two options: to nod and smile or attempt a daring escape. Engaging in a conversation with them is like trying to jump onto a moving train—it’s exhausting and, frankly, impossible.

To survive the encounter, employ the “nod and smile” technique, and when you see a brief pause in their monologue, seize the opportunity to excuse yourself for a refill or a bathroom break. Remember, your bladder can be your greatest ally in escaping the clutches of the eternal monologuer.

The Social Media Influencer Wannabe

Last but not least, we have the social media influencer wannabe, armed with a smartphone and an insatiable desire for online fame. They’ll corner you at the party and insist on documenting every moment of your interaction for their social media followers. From selfies to Boomerangs, they’re on a mission to make your party experience go viral.

Dealing with the social media influencer wannabe can be a surreal experience. They’ll interrupt conversations to stage impromptu photoshoots, and don’t be surprised if they ask you to hold a glittery sign with a hashtag while striking a dramatic pose.

To navigate this situation, play along with their social media antics, but set boundaries. Let them snap a few photos, but politely request some real face-to-face interaction without the lens. After all, there’s more to life than Instagram likes, and you’re here to enjoy the party in the present moment.


So there you have it, the 5 kinds of people you should avoid at parties if you want to have a good time. Whether it’s the over-enthusiastic conspiracy theorist, the self-proclaimed life coach, the one-upper extraordinaire, the eternal monologuer, or the social media influencer wannabe, these partygoers can certainly add a unique flavor to the evening. But remember, parties are about connecting with others, having fun, and not getting a DUI. So, the next time you encounter one of these characters, take a deep breath, summon your inner party ninja, and enjoy the festivities while steering clear of the party pitfalls. Cheers to a good time, my fellow party enthusiasts!


I'm a human being. Usually hungry. I don't have lice.

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