Signs Your Grandma is Really Robert Goulet

Have you ever looked at your grandma and thought, “Hmm, something seems a little off”? Maybe it’s the way she belts out “The Impossible Dream” in the shower, or how she insists on wearing a tuxedo to bed. Well, I’m here to tell you that your suspicions might be spot on. Your grandma could very well be the legendary entertainer Robert Goulet in disguise!

The Singing in the Shower

Let’s face it, grandmas are known for their sweet, gentle humming while they go about their daily tasks. But if your granny is hitting those high notes with the power and precision of a Broadway star, you might want to take a closer look. Robert Goulet was famous for his booming baritone voice, and if your grandma’s shower concerts are shaking the walls and shattering the soap dishes, it’s a clear sign that she might be harboring a secret identity.

The Tuxedo Obsession

Grandmas are usually associated with cozy cardigans, floral dresses, and sensible shoes. However, if your grandma’s wardrobe consists of an endless array of tuxedos, complete with crisp white shirts and perfectly tied bowties, you might be dealing with a Goulet in disguise. Robert Goulet was rarely seen without his signature tuxedo, and if your grandma is rocking the same look while baking cookies and watching Wheel of Fortune, it’s time to connect the dots.

The Vegas Vacation

Does your grandma suddenly have a newfound love for Las Vegas? Is she constantly regaling you with tales of her wild nights at the Sands Hotel and Casino? Well, guess who was a regular performer in Vegas during the 1960s and 70s? That’s right, Robert Goulet! If your grandma is mysteriously absent every time there’s a “Legends of Vegas” tribute show in town, and she returns with a suitcase full of sequins and showgirl feathers, you might want to check her ID.

The Mysterious Mustache

Grandmas are known for their soft, powdery cheeks that are perfect for pinching. But if your grandma is sporting a perfectly groomed mustache that would make Tom Selleck jealous, you might be in the presence of a Goulet. Robert Goulet’s mustache was his trademark, and if your grandma is rocking a similar ‘stache while sipping her tea and knitting sweaters, it’s time to ask some tough questions.

• Is she constantly stroking her upper lip while lost in thought?
• Does she have a secret stash of mustache wax hidden in her purse?
• Has she ever referred to her mustache as “The Goulet”?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, your grandma might be leading a double life as the one and only Robert Goulet.

The Autograph Frenzy

Have you ever noticed that your grandma’s handwriting looks suspiciously like Robert Goulet’s autograph? Does she have a stack of signed headshots hidden in her closet? Is she constantly practicing her signature on napkins and receipts? If your grandma is obsessed with perfecting her autograph, it could be a sign that she’s been living a double life as the famous crooner.

The Canadian Connection

Robert Goulet was born and raised in Canada, and if your grandma starts dropping hints about her secret Canadian heritage, it might be time to investigate. Does she have a sudden craving for poutine and maple syrup? Is she constantly humming “O Canada” under her breath? Has she started ending every sentence with “eh”? If your grandma is embracing her inner Canadian, it could be a clue that she’s really Robert Goulet in disguise.

The Broadway Bootcamp

Is your grandma suddenly insisting on giving you singing and acting lessons? Does she critique your every move, telling you to “project” and “enunciate”? Has she converted her living room into a makeshift stage, complete with a velvet curtain and a spotlight? If your grandma is running a Broadway bootcamp in her own home, it’s a sure sign that she’s channeling her inner Robert Goulet.

The Signature Drink

Robert Goulet was known for his love of a good cocktail, and if your grandma has a signature drink that she insists on making for every family gathering, it might be a clue to her true identity. Does she call her concoction the “Goulet-tini”? Is it a mysterious blend of whiskey, honey, and a secret ingredient she refuses to reveal? If your grandma is a master mixologist with a flair for the dramatic, she might be hiding a Goulet-sized secret.

The Diva Demands

Does your grandma have a list of diva demands that would make Mariah Carey blush? Does she insist on having a bowl of only green M&Ms in her dressing room (aka the guest bedroom)? Does she require a team of assistants to help her with her daily tasks, like brushing her teeth and putting on her slippers? If your grandma is making outrageous demands and expecting star treatment, it’s a clear sign that she’s really Robert Goulet in disguise.

The Karaoke King (or Queen)

If your grandma is the reigning champion of the local karaoke bar, belting out “If Ever I Would Leave You” with the passion and intensity of a true legend, you might be witnessing a Goulet in action. Does she have a dedicated fan base that follows her from one karaoke night to the next? Does she sign autographs and pose for selfies with her adoring fans? If your grandma is living the life of a karaoke superstar, it’s time to face the music: she might be Robert Goulet in disguise.

The Secret Room

Have you ever noticed a mysterious locked room in your grandma’s house that she refuses to let anyone enter? Is it filled with old records, stage costumes, and a life-sized cardboard cutout of Robert Goulet? If your grandma has a secret Goulet shrine hidden away, it’s a sure sign that she’s been leading a double life as the legendary entertainer.

• Does she spend hours locked away in this room, practicing her vocal scales and perfecting her jazz hands?
• Are there signs on the door that say “No Admittance” or “Goulet at Work”?
• Have you ever heard muffled applause and cries of “Encore!” coming from behind the closed door?

If you’ve witnessed any of these strange occurrences, it’s time to confront your grandma about her secret identity.

The Goulet Gait

Robert Goulet was known for his smooth, confident stride, and if your grandma has suddenly developed a similar swagger, it might be a clue to her true identity. Does she glide across the room with the grace and poise of a seasoned performer? Does she enter every room as if she’s making a grand entrance on stage? If your grandma has the Goulet gait, it’s time to start digging deeper.

The Mysterious Disappearances

Does your grandma have a habit of disappearing for days or even weeks at a time, only to return with a suitcase full of souvenirs and a newfound love for exotic cuisines? Is she always jetting off to “visit an old friend” or “attend a bridge tournament”? If your grandma’s excuses for her frequent absences are starting to sound a little fishy, it might be because she’s really off performing in sold-out shows as Robert Goulet.

The Goulet Gourmet

Robert Goulet was known for his love of fine dining, and if your grandma has suddenly become a culinary connoisseur, it might be a sign that she’s channeling her inner Goulet. Does she insist on using only the finest ingredients in her cooking? Does she critique the menu at every restaurant you visit, claiming that she could make a better dish herself? If your grandma has become a gourmand with a taste for the finer things in life, it might be because she’s really Robert Goulet in disguise.

The Mysterious Phone Calls

Have you ever overheard your grandma having hushed conversations on the phone, only to hang up abruptly when you enter the room? Does she receive mysterious packages and letters from unknown senders? If your grandma is engaging in secretive communication, it might be because she’s coordinating her double life as Robert Goulet.

• Does she have a separate phone line labeled “Goulet Hotline”?
• Have you ever heard her whispering things like “The Goulet is on the move” or “Operation Mustache is a go”?
• Does she have a secret code language that she uses when talking to her “associates”?

If you’ve noticed any of these suspicious behaviors, it’s time to confront your grandma and demand the truth.

The Goulet Groove

If your grandma suddenly starts busting out dance moves that would put John Travolta to shame, it might be a sign that she’s really Robert Goulet in disguise. Does she have a signature move that involves a lot of hip swiveling and jazz hands? Does she insist on leading every conga line at family weddings? If your grandma has the Goulet groove, it’s time to face the music and accept that she might be living a double life.

The Mustache Maintenance

Let’s face it, maintaining a perfect mustache is no easy feat. If your grandma is constantly excusing herself to “freshen up” in the bathroom, only to emerge with a perfectly groomed mustache, it’s a clear sign that she’s hiding a Goulet-sized secret. Does she have a collection of mustache combs and waxes that would make any hipster jealous? Does she spend hours in front of the mirror, carefully trimming and shaping her facial hair? If your grandma is obsessed with mustache maintenance, it’s time to start asking some tough questions.

The Goulet Groupies

If your grandma has a group of suspiciously well-dressed “friends” who follow her around and hang on her every word, it might be because she’s really Robert Goulet in disguise. Do these “groupies” show up at all of your family events, armed with cameras and autograph books? Do they have matching T-shirts with your grandma’s face on them? If your grandma has a loyal following of Goulet groupies, it’s time to accept that she might be leading a double life.

The Goulet Gossip

Have you ever overheard your grandma dropping names of famous celebrities like they’re old friends? Does she have a juicy story about Frank Sinatra or a hilarious anecdote about Sammy Davis Jr.? If your grandma is a font of Goulet gossip, it might be because she’s actually Robert Goulet himself, dishing out the inside scoop on his famous pals.

• Does she start every story with “Well, when I was performing in Vegas with Frank…”?
• Does she have a framed photo of herself with Elvis that she claims was taken “backstage at the Sands”?
• Has she ever slipped up and referred to herself as “Bob” instead of “Grandma”?

If you’ve witnessed any of these telltale signs, it’s time to sit your grandma down and have a heart-to-heart about her true identity.

The Goulet Getaway

If your grandma is constantly planning elaborate “getaways” that don’t seem to involve any actual travel, it might be because she’s really sneaking off to perform as Robert Goulet. Does she have a suspicious amount of luggage for a supposed “weekend trip”? Does she come back from these getaways with a hoarse voice and a dressing room full of bouquets? If your grandma is always on the go, it might be because she’s living the life of a jet-setting entertainer.

The Mustache Mix-Up

Picture this: you’re at a family reunion and you spot a man across the room who looks suspiciously like your grandma, but with a slightly fuller mustache. You approach him, only to realize that it’s actually Robert Goulet himself! If your grandma and Robert Goulet are never in the same room at the same time, it might be because they’re actually the same person. Has your grandma ever claimed to be “visiting her sick aunt” when Robert Goulet is in town for a show? Does she have a lock on her bedroom door that looks suspiciously like a dressing room door? If you’ve noticed any of these mustache mix-ups, it’s time to confront your grandma and demand the truth.

In conclusion, if your grandma is exhibiting any of these telltale signs, it’s highly likely that she’s really Robert Goulet in disguise. From her pitch-perfect singing voice to her mysterious disappearances and mustache obsession, the evidence is hard to ignore. But don’t worry, having a grandma who is secretly a legendary entertainer is actually pretty cool. Just think of all the free tickets and backstage passes you’ll get! So the next time your grandma starts belting out “The Impossible Dream” at the top of her lungs, just sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. After all, not everyone can say that their grandma is really Robert Goulet.