Scientists at the University of Salford have spent years researching how to convert humans into octopuses. The latest study found that the best way to achieve this goal would be to clone human cells, reprogram them for an octopus-like function, and then transplant them into the developing embryo. So far, it doesn’t seem like humans could ever transform into an octopus. But this could be the first step towards doing so.
To create a human-octopus hybrid, scientists first need to find a way to transform human cells into octopus cells. They’re trying to do this by reprogramming human skin cells into embryonic stem cells. Once they’ve successfully created these, they can then use cloning techniques that have evolved over the years to genetically “reprogram” their cells.
After reprogramming, the embryonic stem cells need to be put into a human embryo. If they can make this happen, there’s a chance that the new cells will start developing an octopus-like body. Even if the cells haven’t mutated into an octopus, that doesn’t mean that the human-octopus hybrid won’t be able to survive outside of the womb.
Of course, there are many other hurdles researchers will need to clear before they can go ahead with this. But it’s a highly promising start to human-octopus hybridization. In the meantime, here are some scientifically proven tips for humans to grow tentacles like an octopus.
1. Smoke weed everyday
This is probably the most important tip on this list. It may not be the only factor behind why humans can grow tentacles like an octopus, but it’s certainly a big one.
Unlike humans and other mammals, octopuses aren’t just able to do this naturally. Many studies have shown that exposing certain animals to large doses of weed can trigger the same gene mutation found in octopuses. Scientists suspect that all cause the octopus to start producing more of a certain protein. This protein acts as an octopus-like signal, telling other octopuses to begin to grow tentacles.
2. Learn to speak Japanese
If you want your human body to end up like an octopus’s, you’re not going to want to forget the Japanese language. So start practicing your kanji and learning how to read and write.
Japanese has 19 vowels, which are generated by combining several of these letters with consonants. This creates a unique language that’s very hard to replicate in other languages. It’s also the closest language to octopus speech. Researchers have found that by giving humans Japanese language lessons, they can significantly alter the neural networks of their brains. These mechanisms are very similar to how octopuses have evolved to grow tentacles.
3. Eat jellybeans
The small black pits in a jellybean are a pretty sad example of what humans could end up looking like without the aid of science. But the color black isn’t the only thing that makes jellybeans and octopuses seem related. A recent discovery has shown that by eating jellybeans, humans can activate a gene that can cause some of their organs to transform into black tentacles.
4. Seek out a career as a World Cup referee
In order to become one of the best referees in the world, you’ll need to have top-notch eyesight and reaction times. Can you imagine how great it would be if you also started growing tentacles?
At least one octopus referee has managed to do this without smoking weed, learning Japanese, or eating jellybeans. The octopus referee, who worked in the final match between Chile and Germany in 2014, managed to keep his tentacles hidden throughout the game. But after Chile was declared the winner controversially, the octopus referee couldn’t hold back his tentacles anymore and lashed out at a Chilean player.
5. Learn to play the guitar
Playing the guitar is a great way to activate your octopus-like brain. But if you want to turn your body into an octopus’, it’s probably best to learn to play something other than the piano or flute. This way, you’ll be able to produce the type of harmonics octopuses use to grow their tentacles. Scientists have found that music can transform the brains of humans and other animals into octopus-like creatures.
6. Warm up a can of mushroom soup
There’s a reason why many people consider a can of mushroom soup to be the ultimate comfort food. Not only do they heat you up from the inside, but they have been scientifically proven to create the perfect environment for humans to grow tentacles.
The soup acts as a human-octopus hybrid’s food source, the kind of thing that other octopuses have just been born with. When researchers fed octopuses only canned mushroom soup, they noticed that these animals started growing tentacles very quickly.
7. Go skinny dipping
Scientists have found that exposing humans to water for a certain amount of time can cause their bodies to grow tentacles. This method has been used for years by doctors who want to treat people struggling with body image issues. The water also activates a gene that humans have used to grow ear hair, so it’s possible that this technique could one day help us grow ear tentacles.
8. Stay awake for three consecutive days
If you’re looking to transform your human body into an octopus’s, there’s every reason to try every method at your disposal. And that includes staying awake for three days straight.
Scientists have found that by keeping a human awake for three days, a part of their brain called the tuber cinereum will start to grow tentacles. This is very similar to how octopuses swim.
9. Karaoke all night long
There’s no way of knowing for sure if karaoke has the same octopus-like effects on humans as it does on octopuses. But one thing is certain: when you sing karaoke, you become physically exhausted. During this exhaustion period, your body is likely to be in a semi-conscious state. This state can lead to the formation of new neural pathways in your brain, which will eventually turn it into an octopus.
10. Get a tattoo of a squid
If karaoke doesn’t have the same effect on humans as it does on octopuses, then maybe tattooing a squid will. A study has shown that when humans get a squid tattoo, they prove that their bodies have started to grow tentacles.
The tattoo ink is a unique mixture of chemicals that scientists have not been able to replicate. But researchers have been able to discover that this ink is directly related to the octopus-like tentacles humans have grown.
The two most common ways to turn your human body into an octopus are smoking weed and learning Japanese. But the truth is that the only thing you need is a love for octopuses. If you want to transform your body into an octopus’s, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t try every one of these methods. The only sure thing is that if you do, your body is very likely to start growing tentacles almost immediately.
The Majesty of the Men's Bathroom Lean in close, friend. It's high time we address the elephant in the room, or rather, the silent gentleman in the corner of the porcelain palace: the men's...
How To Ditch The Online Love Ghosts Good news! You've just broken up online. Wait...what? Why is that good news? Well, because, darling, it means you are free from the digital chains of unsatisfying...