How to Trick the Tooth Fairy into Accepting Your Dentures

Alright folks, gather ’round because I’m about to let you in on a little secret that’s going to blow your mind and pad your wallet. You know the Tooth Fairy – that mythical creature who sneaks into kids’ rooms at night and exchanges their lost baby teeth for cold hard cash? Well, what if I told you there was a way for us grown-ups to get in on that sweet tooth money too, even if all we have left are fake chompers? That’s right, I’m talking about hoodwinking the Tooth Fairy into accepting your dentures. And I’m going to tell you exactly how to pull it off.

Why You Should Scam the Tooth Fairy Now, I know what some of you goody-two-shoes are thinking. “But isn’t that wrong? The Tooth Fairy is for kids!” Well la-di-da, get off your high horse. The economy is tough and we could all use a little extra dough. Besides, that winged con artist has been getting away with underpaying for teeth for centuries. It’s time to turn the tables! Here’s why scamming the Tooth Fairy is totally justified:

• She’s loaded. The Tooth Fairy racket is extremely lucrative. Rumor has it she lives in a castle made of molars with servants fanning her with wads of cash.
• She’s had a monopoly for too long. The Tooth Fairy has no competition. It’s not like you can take your teeth to the Tooth Gnome or Tooth Leprechaun for a better offer.
• Teeth are worth more than a measly quarter these days. Back when the Tooth Fairy first got into the baby tooth game, a quarter would buy you a week’s worth of penny candy. Now it won’t even get you a gumball. Tooth prices need to keep up with inflation!
• Two can play the “fake tooth” game. The jig is up, Tooth Fairy. We’re onto your little trick of sometimes leaving foreign currency worth less than a quarter. If you can leave fake money, we can leave fake teeth.

So now that you’re on board with scamming the Tooth Fairy, let’s get into the nitty gritty of how to do it without getting caught.

Procuring Convincing Dentures First things first, you’re going to need a set of dentures that could pass for the real deal to the untrained, fairy eye. You’ve got a few options:

1. Swipe a set from grandpa. Just make sure he’s not a light sleeper and won’t notice them missing for a night. You can always claim the Tooth Fairy must have taken them if he gets wise.
2. Make a late night drugstore run. Most pharmacies have a dental care aisle with those DIY repair kits and denture accessories. With a little clever repurposing, you can cobble together something toothy.
3. Get crafty with household items. Cotton balls + white paint + Elmer’s glue = some seriously realistic looking chompers. Mold them over an apple slice to get that curved shape.
4. 3D print those puppies. If you’re fancy and have access to a 3D printer, there are open-source denture models you can download. Print, polish, and presto!

Whichever method you choose, just make sure your fake fangs look legit enough to fool a fairy. A little yellowish tinge and a chip or two can help sell the realism.

Staging the Switcheroo Now that you’ve got your counterfeit chompers, it’s time to set the scene for duping the Tooth Fairy. You’ve got to get crafty because that dame is no dummy. Some tips:

• Set them out with milk and cookies. Lull the Tooth Fairy into a false sense of security with a classic combo treat. Everyone knows fairies are suckers for sweets. The milk mustache and crumbs will help sell the illusion that a tyke lost those teeth mid-midnight snack.
• Make it look like a struggle. Put the dentures under your pillow along with a few strands of your own hair to make it seem like they were ripped right out of your mouth in a tooth tug-of-war with the Sandman. Really tug on the Tooth Fairy’s heart strings.
• Include a cute note. Really lay it on thick with a crayon-scrawled message that says something like “Dear Toof Fairy, Sorry my tooths are so big and crunchy. I am a giant kid. I hope you can still take them. Love, Timmothy.”
• Sprinkle some glitter. Everybody knows the Tooth Fairy loves glitter. It’s like catnip to her. Coat your dentures in the stuff and she won’t be able to resist.

If you set the stage just right, that sack of fairy dust will be putty in your hands. She’ll snatch up those false teeth and leave you a shiny coin without suspecting a thing.

Reaping Your Reward Congratulations, you beautiful con artist! You did it. You managed to outsmart the Tooth Fairy and turn your old toothless mouth into a money-maker. Now what to do with your ill-gotten gains? I’ve got some ideas:

• Make it rain at the bar. Impress your friends by sliding the bartender a Tooth Fairy coin and telling him to keep the tab open. When he asks what the heck that is, just wink and say you’ve got the Tooth Fairy in your back pocket.
• Finally splurge on name brand denture cream. Treat yourself to the good stuff now that you’re flush with tooth cash. Your dentures will be sticking like they’re brand new.
• Start a Tooth Fairy coin collection. Keep scamming the Tooth Fairy every chance you get and amass a collection of her coins. They’ll be worth big bucks one day to the right fairy folklore aficionado.
• Save up for new veneers. Use your Tooth Fairy money stash to invest in an upgraded smile. Bonus: You can pull the dentures switcheroo scam way more often if you’ve got a blinding set of pearly veneers as backup.

The sky’s the limit! Just remember, if anyone asks where you got the dough, you don’t know nothing. Snitches get stitches.

Possible Tooth Fairy Repercussions Now, I’d be remiss if I didn’t warn you that scamming a powerful supernatural entity like the Tooth Fairy could have some unintended consequences. She may look cute and innocent, but we’re talking about a being who can phase through walls and has a monopoly on the lost tooth market. There could be repercussions for crossing her:

• Cavity Curse – The Tooth Fairy could retaliate by cursing you with a mouth full of cavities that no amount of brushing or fluoride treatments can fix. You’ll be in denture city before you know it.
• Tooth Gremlins – She may send her creepy little tooth sprite minions to hide in your dentures and bite you when you least expect it. Imagine giving a presentation at work and suddenly feeling tiny fangs sinking into your gums. Yowza!
• Tooth Fairy Mafia – Tooth fairies are notoriously cliquey. Scam one and you scam them all. You could end up on the tooth fairy mafia’s bad side and wake up with a horse’s head made of molars in your bed.
• Permanent Tooth Fairy Surveillance – That winged sneak could be watching your every move, just waiting to catch you in the act of denture deception again. You’ll constantly feel her judgy little eyes on you.

But you know what? No reward comes without risk. You’ve got to be bold in this tooth eat tooth world. The potential payout of scamming the Tooth Fairy is worth the danger.

Spreading the Scam You didn’t think I’d let you keep this moneymaking scheme all to yourself, did you? Share the wealth I always say! Get your denture-wearing pals in on the Tooth Fairy trickery. Start a text chain and coordinate a mass denture drop on the same night for maximum impact. If the Tooth Fairy picks up twenty sets of false teeth in one night, she’ll never trace it back to you specifically. There’s safety in numbers.

You could even turn it into a money-making enterprise. Charge neighborhood kids a dollar to borrow their lost teeth for the night and split the Tooth Fairy payout with them. It’s a win-win! The kids get extra tooth cash without having to yank out more of their own chompers, and you get to scam the Tooth Fairy over and over again with an endless supply of secondhand baby teeth. That’s just smart business.

The Future of Tooth Fairy Fraud In this economy, you’ve got to get creative to make a buck. I predict that Tooth Fairy scamming is going to be the next big thing. Denture wearers everywhere will be shoving their fake teeth under their pillows and waking up to a little extra spending money courtesy of a certain gullible fairy. It’s only a matter of time before the Tooth Fairy wizens up and starts demanding dental records as proof of tooth ownership. But until then, let’s milk this scam for all it’s worth!

And who knows, maybe this will be the start of a whole new side hustle for you. You could write an ebook on all the various ways to trick the Tooth Fairy and sell it online. You could start a podcast interviewing people about their most outrageous Tooth Fairy cons. The possibilities are endless! You’ll be the Tooth Fairy scam king in no time.

Conclusion So there you have it, my denture-wearing friends. You now have all the tools and knowledge you need to begin your life of Tooth Fairy crime. Go forth and scam that winged sucker for all she’s worth. May your pillows be full of false teeth and your pockets be full of shiny coins. And if the Tooth Fairy comes after you, just remember: Deny, deny, deny. Happy scamming!