9 Essential Tips for Cow-Proofing Your Home

Imagine this: You’re peacefully enjoying your morning coffee when you suddenly hear a suspicious clatter from the living room. You rush in to find your pet cow, Daisy, casually browsing through your bookshelf, apparently searching for her favorite read. While this might sound like a scene from a sitcom, it’s not that far-fetched if you live on a farm or in a rural area. So, if you’ve ever wondered how to keep your bovine buddy from turning your home into a barnyard, you’ve come to the right place. Here are nine essential tips for cow-proofing your home – with a sprinkle of humor, of course.

1. Secure the Doors and Windows

We all know cows are great at chewing grass, but they’re not exactly experts in locksmithing. So, start your cow-proofing mission by ensuring that all doors and windows are securely locked. You don’t want to come home to find Bessie chilling on your couch, watching her favorite daytime TV show. It’s all fun and games until the remote control becomes a chew toy.

2. Hide the Houseplants

Cows have a curious nature, and they won’t hesitate to munch on any greenery they find – even if it’s inside your home. So, unless you want your prized orchid collection to become cow salad, consider relocating your houseplants to a less bovine-accessible area. Don’t be surprised if you catch your cow trying to do some amateur gardening in your absence.

3. Keep Food Out of Reach

Cows have a penchant for snacks, just like the rest of us. But while you might reach for chips or cookies, cows have a more grassy preference. Make sure to store any food items securely, especially if you have an open kitchen layout. Otherwise, you might find your cow co-chef experimenting with a recipe that involves tossing your groceries around.

4. Lock the Fridge and Cupboards

Speaking of food, cows are not afraid to explore culinary possibilities. They’ll happily raid your fridge or kitchen cupboards if given the chance. Lock those doors tight, or you might discover your cow attempting to whip up a five-course meal with your leftovers. Just imagine the mess!

5. Protect Your Furniture

Cows are not known for their delicate manners, so your furniture is at risk. Invest in sturdy, cow-resistant covers for your sofas and chairs. Otherwise, you might end up with a living room that looks like it’s been through a stampede. And trust me, reupholstering a couch is not as easy as it sounds.

6. Beware of Loose Cables

Cows are not technology enthusiasts, but they do have a knack for tangling themselves in cables and cords. Make sure to secure all electrical wires out of their reach. You don’t want your cow mistaking your expensive gaming headset for a tasty strand of hay. That’s a recipe for both frustration and a ruined headset.

7. Lock Up Your Shoes

Cows may not have the latest fashion sense, but they’re not opposed to trying on your shoes. Keep your footwear locked away in a closet or shoe cabinet. Otherwise, you might find your favorite sneakers halfway down the road, with your cow happily trotting alongside them.

8. Hide Your Remotes

Cows are notorious for being remote control connoisseurs. Those little devices are like puzzle toys to them, and they’ll chew, toss, and hide them faster than you can say “channel surfing.” So, make sure to keep your remotes out of sight – unless you enjoy the challenge of finding them in unexpected places.

9. Install Baby Gates

If you have stairs in your home, baby gates can be a lifesaver in cow-proofing. Cows are not exactly acrobats, and navigating stairs can be a risky business for them. Install gates to prevent your cow from attempting an ill-fated descent or ascent that could lead to disaster.


Cow-proofing your home may seem like an unusual task, but it’s a necessity for those living in rural areas or on farms. With a little effort and these nine essential tips, you can keep your bovine buddies from turning your home into a barnyard chaos. Remember, prevention is key when it comes to cow-proofing, so don’t let your guard down. Happy cow-proofing, and may your home remain a cow-free oasis of peace and quiet!


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