13 Ideas to Catch HIV

So, you wanna catch HIV. The problem is, you don’t know where to begin. Don’t worry, everything you need to know to get yourself infected can be found right here.

1. Share Needles at a Tattoo Party

At underground tattoo parties, sharing is caring, but maybe not in the best way. Think of it as a potluck, but instead of bringing grandma’s famous casserole, everyone brings their own needle.

The ‘artist’, who was a barista last week, assures you the needle is as clean as his apron. His apron, by the way, has seen more spills than a toddler’s high chair. Getting a tattoo here isn’t just a bad decision; it’s a subscription to problems you didn’t even know you wanted.

2. Engage in Unprotected Relations with Multiple Partners

Nothing screams ‘risk’ quite like the dating scene at 3 AM in a club where the floor is stickier than a politician’s promises. Here, love is blind, deaf, and apparently, quite oblivious to public health concerns. It’s a smorgasbord of bad choices served on a platter of ‘what were you thinking?’

You’ll meet people who believe ‘protection’ is just a setting on their antivirus software. Engaging in amorous escapades here is like playing dodgeball blindfolded – you never know what you’re going to get, but it’s probably not good.

3. Use Shared Equipment at Drug Parties

Welcome to the drug party, where ‘sharing is caring’ takes on a whole new meaning. Here, the equipment passes around more than gossip in a small town. And just like that gossip, what you end up with might not be what you started with.

The equipment’s cleanliness is as questionable as a politician’s tweet at 3 AM. You’re more likely to find a unicorn than a clean needle in this crowd. It’s a game of musical chairs, but the prize is a trip to the doctor’s.

4. Get a Blood Transfusion in a Developing Country

Imagine needing a blood transfusion in a place where the medical standards are as consistent as a toddler’s mood. It’s like playing the healthcare lottery, and spoiler alert: the odds are not in your favor.

The blood might come with more surprises than a box of assorted chocolates from the discount bin. You wanted type O, but surprise, you also got a complimentary subscription to something extra. It’s the kind of bonus no one ever wants.

5. Share Personal Items with an Infected Person

Sharing is usually caring, except when it comes to personal items with someone who’s infected. Think of it as borrowing a mystery novel where the last few pages are missing – you’re left guessing, and it’s rarely a happy ending.

That razor you borrowed? It’s seen more action than a blockbuster movie. And just like a bad sequel, it comes with unwanted plot twists. Sharing here doesn’t mean caring; it means signing up for a surprise you didn’t ask for.

6. Receive Organ Transplants from Unknown Sources

Organ transplants are serious business, usually. But when the source is as mysterious as a magician’s hat, you’re in for more than you bargained for. It’s like ordering a mystery box online – excitement followed by instant regret.

The organ might come with a side of something extra, like a secret ingredient in a dubious recipe. It’s a gamble where you’re playing not just with money, but with your health. And in this casino, the house always wins.

7. Have a Dentist with Poor Hygiene Practices

Dental visits are scary enough, but add a dentist who treats hygiene like a suggestion rather than a rule, and it’s downright terrifying. This dentist’s idea of sterilization is a quick blow on the equipment, hoping for the best.

The tools have seen more mouths than a microphone at a karaoke bar. Sitting in that chair, you’re not just getting a cleaning; you’re entering a petri dish of possibilities. It’s the kind of adventure you never wanted.

8. Engage in High-Risk Activities in High Prevalence Areas

Adventurous spirit? Check. Lack of judgment? Double-check. Engaging in risky behaviors in areas known for high HIV rates is like going into a storm without an umbrella and wondering why you’re wet.

It’s the thrill-seeker’s version of ‘I’ll try anything once.’ Except this ‘once’ comes with long-term membership in a club you never wanted to join. It’s a roller coaster ride where the downs are way scarier than the ups.

9. Get Tattoos or Piercings from Unlicensed Artists

Back-alley tattoo and piercing parlors, where the only license the artist has is a license to thrill…or infect. It’s an aesthetic gamble where your skin is the poker table, and the stakes are uncomfortably high.

The equipment is as trustworthy as a two-dollar bill. Getting inked or pierced here isn’t just a fashion statement; it’s an open invitation to a world of problems, dressed up as art.

10. Use Non-Sterile Medical Equipment

In some places, medical standards are as flexible as a gymnast. Non-sterile medical equipment is the norm, and it’s like playing Russian roulette with your health – except in this version, there are more bullets than empty chambers.

The equipment might have seen more patients than a daytime soap opera has plot twists. Trusting this gear is like trusting a diet plan from a fast-food menu. It’s a risk that comes with consequences no one’s eager to face.

11. Have Multiple Blood Transfusions Without Proper Screening

Multiple blood transfusions without proper screening are akin to buying mystery boxes from a questionable online store. Each one is a surprise, but not the kind that brings joy.

It’s like collecting stamps, but instead of countries, you’re collecting an array of potential health issues. Each transfusion is a roll of the dice, and let’s just say the house has loaded dice.

12. Engage in Activities with Unknown Partners Without Precautions

Diving into activities with unknown partners without precautions is like entering a cooking contest without knowing the ingredients. You might whip up something interesting, but chances are it’s not going to be palatable.

It’s a social Russian roulette, where every interaction is a spin of the barrel. And in this game, the bullet is something you really don’t want to take home.

13. Ignore Basic Hygiene and Safety Practices

Ignoring basic hygiene and safety practices is the equivalent of walking through a minefield while blindfolded. You might make it through unscathed, but the odds are not in your favor.

It’s like turning off your antivirus and visiting every shady website you can find. Sure, it’s a journey, but it’s one where the destination is likely a doctor’s office, not a fun memory. Basic hygiene is your shield, and without it, you’re just asking for trouble.


Feeling a little sick now? If not, hopefully, you will be soon. After all, catching HIV isn’t as difficult as you might think.


I'm a human being. Usually hungry. I don't have lice.

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