Three Things You Should Never Say to a Fat Lady While She’s Eating Biscuits and Gravy

There’s no denying that there’s nothing better than a plate of biscuits and gravy. However, if you ever stumble upon a fat lady eating such said delicacy, there are few things you should never say to her. Let’s talk about those three things now so you can be sure never to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation while watching gravy drip down the multiple chins of a morbidly obese woman.

1. “Sit down and eat your biscuits, little lady.”

This is probably the worst way to start a conversation with a fat lady. How are you going to tell her to do something she wasn’t already doing? Don’t talk about what she’s already doing because there are only so many ways a fat lady can eat biscuits and gravy.

So instead, you need to use the words she’s already saying. If she’s eating biscuits and gravy, then let her do what she wants. You may notice that most fat ladies don’t speak much as they eat. If they’re talking, it’s usually about the biscuits and gravy. So just let them do their thing. Give them some food, listen to them talk, and enjoy the sensation of being the best person in the world right now.

2. “Why are you eating so fast?”

No one understands the concept of table manners more than fat ladies. They know that you’re not supposed to be a slob while at a restaurant. But they also know that sometimes, manners go out the window when you’re in a hurry. And when it comes to biscuits and gravy, there’s no time for table manners.

So don’t complain about eating messy food, especially if that’s what you’re eating. Your fat lady friend isn’t going to take kindly to it. If she wants to eat biscuits and gravy fast because she’s in a hurry, then let her do it her way. You can’t change the way a woman eats at all, so don’t try.

3. “Those are my biscuits.”

This is another blunder you shouldn’t make while watching a big woman eat biscuits and gravy. Many fat ladies have a one-track mind when it comes to biscuits and gravy. They’ll eat just about anything in sight that happens to be made out of flour and sausage. So if you try to claim ownership of the biscuits, you may lose possession of your fingers if they get too close to the biscuits.

It doesn’t matter if you ordered your own biscuits. If she claims them as her own, let it be. There’s no use fighting a fat lady over a biscuit. You’ll lose every time. Enjoy the ice water you ordered, and learn to appreciate the fat ladies in your life more.


At the end of the day, just let a fat lady enjoy her biscuits and gravy in peace. Also, before you order biscuits and gravy for breakfast, ask yourself if you’re in the mood for sloppiness because there are few things messier than a plate of biscuits and gravy. But hey, that’s why they have forks.


I'm a human being. Usually hungry. I don't have lice.

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