The Hidden Dangers of Eating Glitter

Glitter – that shimmery, sparkly substance that seems to get everywhere, whether you want it to or not. It’s festive, fun, and makes everything prettier…or does it? You may think a sprinkle of glitter on your cupcakes or a dash in your cocktail is harmless, but I’m here to warn you about the hidden dangers lurking in those lustrous flecks. Brace yourself as we dive into the dark, sparkly underbelly of consuming glitter.

Why Do People Eat Glitter Anyway? Before we get into the perils of ingesting glitter, let’s examine why anyone would want to in the first place:

• It looks pretty and makes food more “Instagram-worthy”
• Some people think consuming small amounts is safe since glitter is non-toxic
• It can be a fun way to make a drink or dish more festive for a celebration
• Celebrity chefs and influencers have normalized adding “edible glitter” to recipes
• The sparkling appearance tricks your brain into thinking the food will taste better

But is the momentary delight of a glittery garnish worth the risk? Not so fast, my shimmery friends. There’s a dark side to the glitter craze.

Your Digestive System Isn’t a Disco Ball News flash: your intestines weren’t designed to process crafting supplies. When you eat glitter, you’re essentially bedazzling your bowels. Here’s what can happen:

• Glitter particles can accumulate and cause blockages, leading to constipation or impaction
• Sharp edges may lacerate the delicate tissues of your GI tract – ouch!
• Some glitters contain toxic chemicals like lead or arsenic that can poison you over time
• Microplastics in some glitter don’t break down and can build up in your gut
• Consuming plastic bits may disrupt the balance of bacteria in your microbiome

Still feel like adding some razzle dazzle to your entrée? I didn’t think so. Your tummy is not a dance floor – keep the glitter out!

“But It’s Non-Toxic!” and Other Lies You may have heard that certain glitter is marketed as “non-toxic” or even “edible.” But don’t believe the hype. The tragic truth is:

• So-called “non-toxic” glitter may still contain concerning chemicals and additives
• “Edible” glitter isn’t regulated by the FDA for consumption – there are no safety standards
• Manufacturers don’t have to disclose all ingredients, so there could be mystery materials
• Long-term effects of ingesting glitter haven’t been studied adequately
• What’s “non-toxic” for external use on skin may still be harmful if eaten

The sparkly marketing jargon is just putting lipstick on a pig – or in this case, glitter on a health hazard. Don’t be duped by the dazzling packaging.

Glittery Poop: A Cautionary Tale Imagine this: you chow down on a glitter-bombed brownie at a party, washing it down with a shimmery cocktail. The next day, you’re shocked to see your poo twinkling back at you from the toilet bowl. Congratulations, you now have glitter gut! Other unfortunate souls have reported:

• Sparkly diarrhea that looks like a unicorn’s business
• Glitter particles visibly stuck in stool for days or weeks
• Rectal discomfort and itching from sharp glitter shards
• Having to shamefully explain the situation to a doctor during a exam
• Expensive medical tests to rule out other shiny indigestibles like beads or foil

Learn from their mistakes – no matter how tempting, step away from the sparkle. A bedazzled behind is a high price to pay for a moment on the lips.

Glitter is the Herpes of the Craft World Most of us are well aware of glitter’s reputation as the STD of art supplies. It gets everywhere, sticks to everything, and is impossible to get rid of. But did you know it can cause similar mayhem in your body? Observe:

• Glitter particles stubbornly cling to your digestive tract lining
• Bits can migrate and take up residence in other organs
• You may poop and vomit glitter long after the initial exposure
• Glitter residue could spark an inflammatory response
• Indigestible particles may seep into your bloodstream, wreaking havoc

Much like an ill-advised fling with that sketchy ex, eating glitter can continue to haunt you long after you think it’s gone. Is a sprinkling of sparkle really worth a lifetime of regret?

The Emotional Trauma of Glitter Consumption By now, you’re well aware of the physical ramifications of noshing on glitter. But we can’t ignore the psychological toll it takes. Imagine the humiliation of:

• Trying to explain your glitter poop to your significant other
• Fielding concerned questions about your sparkly vomit at work
• Becoming known as the “glitter guy” or “glitter girl” amongst your friend group
• Having your story end up on a viral “news of the weird” listicle
• Enduring judgy looks from your doctor or pharmacist

Eating glitter doesn’t just ravage your body – it sparkles a spotlight on your lapse in judgment. Do you really want to be the punchline of a cautionary tale for years to come?

The Environmental Impact of Glitter Eating As if destroying your body and reputation weren’t bad enough, snacking on glitter also contributes to the destruction of our planet. Ponder this:

• Glitter increases the demand for environmentally-damaging microplastics
• Producing plastic glitter requires fossil fuels and toxic chemicals
• Glitter you ingest and poop out ends up in the water supply
• Aquatic life mistakes micro-glitter for food, killing fish and birds
• Glitter breaks down into tiny particles that pollute soil and waterways

Your gl-itter is the Earth’s bitter tears. every time you sprinkle some in your soup, a sea turtle sheds a single tear. Put down the sparkles and think of the turtles.

But I Want My Food to Sparkle! I get it, glitter is undeniably eye-catching and entrancing. You want your treats to be ‘gram-worthy and add some pizazz to your plate. But there are safer, natural ways to zhuzh up your meals:

• Use edible flowers, herbs, or fruit for pops of color
• Add a sprinkle of dazzling spices like turmeric, sumac, or smoked paprika
• Garnish with metallic seed pods, iridescent chocolate, or sugar pearls
• Decorate with delicate sugared edible petals or leaves
• Incorporate veggies, sauces, and ice to add contrasting colors and textures

Mother Nature is the OG master of sparkle – follow Her lead and leave the crafting supplies at the kiddie table. Your tummy, dignity, and the planet will thank you.

In Conclusion: Say No to Eating Glitter Now that we’ve exposed the hidden dark side of glitter consumption, I hope you’ll think twice before bedazzling your baked goods. To recap:

• Glitter can wreak havoc on your insides, no matter what the packaging claims
• You may suffer glittery poops and become a dazzling cautionary tale
• Eating glitter destroys the environment and makes sea turtles cry
• There are safer, natural ways to add sparkle and flair to your food

Friends don’t let friends eat glitter. Be a pal and spread the word, not the sparkles. Together, we can take a stand against Big Glitter and keep the disco balls on the dance floor where they belong. Say it with me now – if it’s metallic and shimmers, keep it away from your dinner!