How to Survive a Family Reunion with Relatives You Can’t Stand

Family reunions – those dreaded gatherings where distant relatives you barely know and hardly like congregate to make awkward small talk, reminisce about the “good old days” you’re too young to remember, and needle you with invasive personal questions. For many, it’s an uncomfortable obligation, a familial duty to be endured. But take heart! With the right attitude and preparation, you too can survive a weekend of forced family fun. Here’s your blueprint for getting through the reunion relatively unscathed.

Packing Essentials First things first, let’s make sure you have the absolute bare minimum needed to endure a few days cooped up with your crazy clan:

• Headache medicine (trust me, you’ll need it)
• Ear plugs (to drown out Aunt Mildred’s incessant jabbering)
• Something to read/watch/distract yourself with
• Portable phone charger (your lifeline to the outside world)
• Breath mints (in case you get stuck talking to Uncle Morty)
• Spike-able beverage of choice (we won’t tell anyone about those “special ingredients” you add to your lemonade)
• An excuse rolodex (for getting out of uncomfortable conversations – more on that later)

Perfect Your Greeting Ah, those first few moments when you arrive at the reunion and have to start making the rounds, saying hello to people you vaguely recognize from yellowed photo albums. Keep it simple with a standard greeting you can use on repeat:

“Hey there! [Insert name/relation], right? It’s been ages! How are you?”

Then be prepared with easy follow up questions to keep the conversation going without requiring too much mental effort on your part:

• “How was your trip in?”
• “How are the kids/grandkids/pets?”
• “What part of the family are you from again?”
• “Have you tried the potato salad?”

When in doubt, just keep smiling, nodding, and throwing in the occasional “Oh wow!” or “You don’t say!” until you can politely excuse yourself. Which brings us to…

The Art of the Exit The key to surviving any prolonged exposure to irritating relatives is knowing when and how to extract yourself from painful conversations. Some handy exit lines to keep at the ready:

• “Ooh, I think I hear my mom/sibling/second cousin calling me. Better go see what they want!”
• “Is that Cousin Jimmy? I’ve been meaning to ask him something. Catch you later!”
• “I’m gonna run to the restroom/grab a drink/get some fresh air. Back in a few!”
• “Oh man, I totally forgot I promised to help Grandma with something. Gotta run!”

If you’re stuck with a particularly persistent relative who won’t let you get a word in edgewise, try the old “look over their shoulder with eyes widened in surprise” trick and then dash off with a hurried “Be right back!” Works every time.

Take Refuge with the Cool Cousins Every family has that one branch that’s a little more fun, a little more laid back than the rest. When you need a break from the family drama, seek out your chill cousins. You know the ones – they sneak booze into the reunion, crack jokes under their breath during Grandpa’s long-winded stories, and actually have interesting lives outside of holiday get-togethers. Stick by them and you might even have a good time in between all the obligatory socializing.

Bonus points if one of them is still single and can be your wing-person, helping you dodge nosy questions about your love life from concerned aunties.

Eating Strategies Ah, the family reunion potluck – a smorgasbord of mystery dishes and questionable culinary creations. Here’s how to navigate the buffet line without getting stuck with Aunt Bethany’s infamous bean surprise casserole:

• Do a full survey of the spread before committing to anything. Make note of any dishes to avoid (anything that jiggles or contains the words “surprise” or “casserole” is generally a no-go).
• Keep your portions small so you have an out if something is truly inedible (“Gosh, I’m stuffed! No room for seconds, darn!”).
• When in doubt, stick to the basics – buns, raw veggies, simple salads. You may not win any points for adventurous eating, but at least you won’t spend the rest of the reunion in the bathroom.
• If someone tries to pressure you into trying their signature dish, take it and then “accidentally” drop it on the ground when they’re not looking. Whoopsie daisy!
• Always position yourself in line behind the hungry teenage boy cousins. They’ll inhale anything in their path, leaving slim pickings for the rest of us.

Entertaining the Elders Inevitably, you’ll end up stuck talking to the family elders. They’ll either not remember who you are at all or have an impressively detailed knowledge of what you were up to in the third grade. Play to their interests with some reliable conversation starters:

• “Wow, I’d love to hear what this family/town/world was like when you were younger!”
• “How did you and Grandma/Grandpa meet? What was your wedding like?”
• “What’s the secret to your famous [insert dish they always bring]?”
• “I found this old family photo – can you tell me who everyone is?”

Most importantly, perfect your active listening face (nodding, smiling, the occasional “mhm” and “you don’t say!”). They could be reciting the phone book for all you know, but as long as you keep that face on, you’re golden.

Shining During Forced Family Fun No reunion is complete without some organized “bonding” activities. Here’s how to come out looking like a good sport without completely sacrificing your dignity:

• Agree to be on the team of that super competitive cousin for any physical games/relays. Let them take the glory while you hang back and “encourage.”
• Quietly tank any trivia/knowledge-based games. You may know that the capital of Montana is Helena, but letting Uncle Ted think he’s a genius is a small price to pay for familial harmony.
• If you must participate in a talent show, choose something low-effort but crowd-pleasing, like reading a poem or doing a yo-yo trick. Nobody wants a repeat of the Great Karaoke Incident of 2015.
• “Forget” to pack appropriate clothes for any outdoor activities. “Gosh, I would join the family hike but these shoes are just so darn slippery! You all go on without me!”

Handling Personal Questions And now, the moment you’ve been dreading – the inquisition into your personal life. Relatives you see twice a decade suddenly want to know everything about your relationship status, career plans, reproductive schedule, and political affiliations. Take a deep breath and prepare your canned responses:

• (Re: relationship status) “I’m just focused on [insert hobby/passion] right now. But if you know any single [insert celeb crush], feel free to give them my number!”
• (Re: career) “It’s going well! I’m learning a lot and exploring some exciting opportunities.” (They don’t need to know you got passed over for a promotion and hate your boss.)
• (Re: having kids) “Oh, you know, maybe someday if it’s in the cards! How about those [local sports team], huh?”
• (Re: politics) “Oof, I try to stay out of all that. Too much strife in the world as it is. Hey, what’s the story behind this tasty bean dip?”

Remember, you are a vault, locked down tighter than a submarine hatch. Reveal no vulnerabilities. Any opinion you express will be held against you in the court of familial judgment. Smile, shrug, and pivot to safer subjects.

Mastering the Irish Goodbye The reunion is winding down and you can see the sweet light of freedom on the horizon. Now is the time to plan your exit strategy, because if you get caught on the way out, you’ll be roped into another 45 minutes of goodbyes and cheek pinching. Some tips:

• Start saying your goodbyes way earlier than you actually plan to leave. Make the rounds with some variation of “It was so great to see you! I’ve got an early morning/long drive ahead of me so I’m gonna start saying goodbye now, but let’s definitely catch up more soon!” Then when you do finally sneak out, they’ll think you already told them.
• Arrange with a sibling or cousin to create a diversion if you get stopped by a loquacious relative on the way to the car. Have them pull the relative aside with an important “question” so you can slip away.
• If all else fails, fake a dramatic phone call you have to take privately or an “emergency” that requires you to rush out. “What’s that, mom? You need me to come walk the dog/water the plants/investigate a strange noise? I’m on my way!”
• Don’t forget the lavish thanks to whatever aunt hosted! Gush about how wonderful everything was and how you feel so much closer as a family and can’t wait for the next reunion. Lay it on thick. Then book it to the car, hit the gas, and let out a deep exhale. You did it. You survived.

Recovering Afterwards Whew, you made it through! Take some time to decompress from the family overload. Some suggestions:

• Treat yourself to some much needed alone time doing whatever makes you happy, whether that’s bingeing trash TV, going for a long hike, or getting a massage. You’ve earned it!
• Call up your closest friends and regale them with tales of the reunion. A little perspective and some outside laughter make everything better.
• Start a texting thread with your coolest cousins to debrief and share inside jokes. You may not be able to choose your family, but you can choose your primary family allies.
• If you traveled for the reunion, consider tacking on a day to explore the city solo. Relish in some “me time” before returning to real life.

And most importantly, pat yourself on the back! You survived a family reunion with your sanity (mostly) intact. No major meltdowns, feuds, or food poisoning incidents. In your family, that’s worth celebrating! Take comfort in the knowledge that you’re now off the hook until the next big milestone wedding/funeral/anniversary. And in the meantime, you have a whole new arsenal of avoidance strategies to test out at the next big holiday.

Here’s to family reunions – can’t live with ’em, can’t get out of ’em. But armed with this survival guide, you might just make it through the next one without needing therapy. Or at least, with some really juicy stories to tell. Until we meet again at the next big family showdown – cheers!