How to Get Your Neighbor’s Car Infested With Bed Bugs

The Art of Bed Bug Infestation

So, you’ve been living next to that neighbor who plays loud music at odd hours and borrows your lawnmower without asking. Well, it’s time to get even in the most unconventional way possible – infest their car with bed bugs. Now, before you call the ethical committee on me, remember, we’re here for a dose of humor and not actual mischief. So, let’s dive into the bizarre world of bed bug infestation tactics.

Understanding the Bed Bug

First things first, let’s get to know our enemy – the bed bug. These little bloodsuckers are like the vampires of the insect world, only without the charm and with more tiny legs. They’re masters of stealth, hiding in cracks and crevices during the day and emerging at night to feast on your blood while you sleep. In short, they’re the ultimate freeloading houseguests.

Procuring Your Bed Bug Army

Now, you might be wondering where to get these critters. Well, you can’t exactly order them on Amazon, but you can purchase them from specialized suppliers for scientific research purposes. Yes, there’s a whole industry dedicated to providing bed bugs for experiments. It’s like a twisted version of “Pets R Us.” Just remember, these suppliers have strict regulations, so don’t plan on smuggling them in your carry-on luggage.

Setting Up Your Bed Bug Base Camp

To infest your neighbor’s car, you’ll need to create a cozy hideout for your bed bugs. Find a suitable container – a plastic tub with a lid should do the trick. Next, create a bed bug-friendly environment. That means providing some hiding spots, like cardboard or fabric, and a source of sustenance (your own blood will not suffice). You’ll need a small dish with a piece of dry ice to release carbon dioxide, mimicking the breath of a sleeping human – bed bugs are suckers for a midnight snack.

The Sneak Attack

Once you’ve set up your bed bug base camp, it’s time for the sneak attack. Wait until the dead of night, like a bed bug commando. Sneak up to your neighbor’s car, and discreetly place your container of bed bugs under one of the seats. Make sure it’s secure, so it doesn’t roll around and give you away.

The Wait Game

Now comes the hardest part – waiting. Bed bugs aren’t known for their speed, so it might take a while for them to infest the entire car. Patience is key here. Meanwhile, you can enjoy a cup of tea and imagine your neighbor’s face when they discover their unwelcome passengers.

The Hilarious Consequences

As the days pass, your neighbor’s car will become a battleground. They’ll start to notice the mysterious bites, the itchiness, and the tiny red welts on their skin. Their car rides will become a nightmare, and they’ll likely spend a fortune trying to get rid of the infestation. Meanwhile, you can sit back and revel in the absurdity of it all.

Wrapping It Up

So, there you have it – a playful guide to the art of bed bug infestation. Remember, this is all in good humor, and I strongly advise against any actual acts of pestilence. Instead, use this knowledge to entertain your friends at your next social gathering. After all, a good laugh is the best revenge, and it won’t get you into any legal trouble. Happy bed bug adventures!


I'm a human being. Usually hungry. I don't have lice.

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