How to Cater a Five-Course Meal at a Clown Convention

Alright, listen up, you culinary clowns! If you’ve ever found yourself in the unenviable position of having to cater a five-course meal at a clown convention, then boy, do we have the guide for you! Buckle up your oversized shoes and strap on your red nose, because we’re about to embark on a wild ride through the wacky world of clown cuisine.

Appetizer: Mini Whoopee Cushion Pizzas

What better way to kick off a clown convention than with a little bit of flatulence-inspired fun? These mini whoopee cushion pizzas are sure to get the party started with a bang (or should we say, a toot?).

• Start by shaping your pizza dough into tiny whoopee cushion shapes (if you can’t find a whoopee cushion cookie cutter, just use your imagination and a pair of scissors)
• Top each mini pizza with a generous helping of tomato sauce, mozzarella cheese, and your choice of toppings (we recommend pepperoni, because it looks like little clown noses)
• Bake until the cheese is melted and bubbly, then serve to your hungry horde of clowns

Just be warned, these mini pizzas are known to cause fits of giggles and the occasional impromptu whoopee cushion serenade.

Soup: Cream of Rubber Chicken

No clown convention would be complete without the iconic rubber chicken, and this creamy soup pays homage to that classic prop in the most delicious way possible.

To make this soup, you’ll need:

1. A dozen rubber chickens (preferably unused)
2. A gallon of heavy cream
3. A pound of butter
4. Salt and pepper to taste

Start by boiling the rubber chickens in a large pot of water until they’re nice and soft (this should take about an hour, or until the chickens start to squeak in surrender). Remove the chickens from the pot and let them cool before chopping them into small pieces.

In a separate pot, melt the butter and whisk in the heavy cream. Add the chopped rubber chicken and season with salt and pepper. Simmer for 30 minutes, or until the soup is thick and creamy (and slightly rubbery).

Serve the soup in bowls with a sprinkle of chopped parsley on top, and watch as your clown guests slurp it up with glee (and possibly a few honks and squeaks).

Salad: Juggling Ball Caprese

Clowns love nothing more than a good juggling act, so why not incorporate that into your salad course? This juggling ball caprese salad is not only delicious but also doubles as a fun party game!

• Start by shaping fresh mozzarella into small, juggling ball-sized spheres
• Alternate the mozzarella balls with cherry tomatoes and fresh basil leaves on skewers
• Drizzle with balsamic vinegar and olive oil
• Serve the skewers on a large platter and encourage your clown guests to juggle them before eating

Just be sure to have plenty of napkins on hand, as this salad can get a bit messy when juggled by inexperienced clowns (or after a few too many glasses of fizzy pop).

Main Course: Spaghetti and Meatball Cannon

It’s time for the main event, and what better way to feed a bunch of ravenous clowns than with a heaping helping of spaghetti and meatballs? But wait, there’s a twist! We’re not just serving this classic dish, we’re launching it out of a cannon!

To make the spaghetti and meatball cannon, you’ll need:

1. A large cannon (preferably one that shoots food, but a regular cannon will do in a pinch)
2. A massive pot of cooked spaghetti
3. A truckload of giant meatballs
4. A gallon of marinara sauce
5. Parmesan cheese and fresh basil for garnish

Load the spaghetti and meatballs into the cannon, making sure to alternate layers for optimal launch distribution. Aim the cannon at a large serving platter (or, if you’re feeling adventurous, directly at the clowns’ mouths) and fire away!

As the spaghetti and meatballs rain down upon your guests, be sure to have plenty of marinara sauce on hand for dipping (and cleaning up the inevitable splatter). Garnish with Parmesan cheese and fresh basil, and watch as your clown friends devour this unique twist on an Italian classic.

Dessert: Pie-in-the-Face Roulette

No clown convention is complete without a good old-fashioned pie in the face, and this dessert course takes that classic gag to the next level with a game of sweet, creamy chance.

• Prepare a variety of pies in different flavors (banana cream, chocolate silk, lemon meringue, etc.)
• Place the pies on a large spinning wheel, like the kind used in game shows
• Have each clown take a turn spinning the wheel and receiving a pie in the face of the corresponding flavor

As the pies fly and the laughter crescendos, be sure to have plenty of whipped cream on hand for reloading (and maybe a few towels for cleanup). And if you really want to up the ante, consider adding a few mystery pies to the mix (like hot sauce or shaving cream) for an extra element of surprise.

Bonus: Clown Car Cocktails

What’s a meal without a little liquid refreshment? These clown car cocktails are the perfect way to wash down all that delicious circus fare and keep the party going all night long.

To make the clown car cocktails, you’ll need:

1. A large punch bowl (or a real clown car, if you’re feeling extra festive)
2. A variety of colorful liquors (think: bright blue curacao, green midori, pink grenadine)
3. A few liters of lemon-lime soda
4. A handful of maraschino cherries and cocktail umbrellas for garnish

Mix the liquors and soda together in the punch bowl (or clown car) until you have a vibrant, swirling concoction. Add the cherries and umbrellas for a final festive touch, then serve the cocktails in oversized squirting flower glasses (because why not?).

As your clown guests sip on these colorful libations, don’t be surprised if the party starts to get a little bit silly (okay, a lot bit silly). But hey, that’s all part of the fun when you’re catering a clown convention!

Tips and Tricks for Clown Convention Catering

Now that you have your menu planned, here are a few extra tips and tricks to keep in mind when catering a clown convention:

• Make sure to have plenty of red noses and oversized bowties on hand for your serving staff (because if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em)
• Consider setting up a “laughter lounge” where clowns can take a break from the festivities and recharge with a few chuckles and giggles
• If all else fails, just remember: when in doubt, add more whipped cream!

Catering a clown convention can be a daunting task, but with a little creativity, a lot of humor, and a whole bunch of rubber chickens, you’re sure to pull it off with flying colors (and possibly a few flying pies).

So go forth, you brave culinary clowns, and show those convention-goers what you’re made of! And if anyone asks, just tell them you learned it all from the one and only guide to catering a five-course meal at a clown convention.

Honk honk, and bon appétit!

(Legal disclaimer: The authors of this blog post are not responsible for any pie-related injuries, rubber chicken choking incidents, or clown car cocktail-induced shenanigans that may occur as a result of following the advice herein. Cater at your own risk, and always wear a seatbelt when driving a clown car.)