11 Ways to Make a Subway Sandwich Employee

Subway sandwiches, a staple in the diet of anyone who’s ever been late for a meeting or too lazy to turn on a stove. But have you ever wondered how to really get under the skin of that ever-smiling, ever-patient sandwich artist behind the counter? Fear not, for here is a comprehensive, albeit slightly absurd, guide on how to make a Subway sandwich employee shed a tear or two.

1. The Indecisive Orderer

Ever stood in line at Subway and thought, “What if I just don’t decide?” Imagine this: you’re at the counter, the employee asks, “What would you like?” and you embark on a saga of indecision. “Uh, I’ll have the Italian BMT… no, wait, the Veggie Delight… actually, make it a Meatball Marinara, but can you replace the meatballs with turkey?” Watch as the light in their eyes dims with each change of heart.

2. The Ingredient Overloader

Here’s a fun game: ask for every single topping. Yes, every single one. Start normal, “Lettuce, tomatoes, onions…” but then kick it into high gear, “Olives, pickles, jalapeños, oh and throw some spinach in there too.” The real kicker? After they’ve piled on enough greens to start a small farm, ask them to close the sandwich. The struggle that ensues is the stuff of sandwich nightmares.

3. The Sauce Artist

This one’s simple yet effective. When it comes to sauces, why settle for one or two when you can have them all? As they reach for the mayo, say, “I’ll have all the sauces, please.” Watch as they pause, sauce bottle in hand, a look of mild horror crossing their face. The resulting sandwich won’t just be a meal; it’ll be a slippery, saucy abstract art piece.

4. The Bread Connoisseur

Pretend you’re a bread connoisseur. Squint at the bread selection like you’re trying to read the fine print in a contract. Ask questions like, “Is this wheat locally sourced?” or “Can you describe the flavor profile of the Italian herbs and cheese?” They’re not bakers, they’re sandwich makers, and your queries will lead them down a doughy path of existential crisis.

5. The Change-of-Heart Customer

Here’s a classic: go through the entire process of making the perfect sandwich. Nod approvingly as they add each topping. But when they’re about to wrap it up, shake your head and say, “You know what, I changed my mind, I don’t want this.” The sandwich isn’t the only thing that’ll be getting wrapped up – watch as their patience does too.

6. The Payment Prankster

When it’s time to pay, dive into your bag and pull out the most obscure form of payment you can find. Monopoly money, foreign currency from a country you’re pretty sure doesn’t exist, or better yet, offer to barter. “Will you take this half-eaten bag of chips as payment?” Their forced smile will start to resemble a cry for help.

7. The Overly Specific Customizer

Request a sandwich that’s so specific, it borders on absurd. “I’d like exactly seven olives, cut into thirds, placed equidistant from each other.” Or, “Can you arrange the cheese in a Fibonacci sequence?” You’re not just ordering a sandwich; you’re commissioning a culinary masterpiece.

8. The Undecided Vegan

Start by proclaiming loudly, “I’m vegan,” and then proceed to order a meat-filled sandwich. Halfway through, suddenly remember your veganism and ask them to start over. Repeat this process until they start to wonder if they’re in a hidden camera show.

9. The Nutritionist Nuisance

Ask about the calorie count of every single item. “How many calories in that lettuce leaf? What about the tomato slice?” Pretend to tally up the totals on a calculator, then sigh deeply and say you’re reconsidering your choices. The employee’s forced smile will be the only thin thing left at the counter.

10. The Allergic Reaction Faker

Claim you’re allergic to something different every few seconds. “I’m allergic to tomatoes… no, wait, cucumbers… actually, it’s mayonnaise.” Keep them on their toes – or better yet, on the edge of a nervous breakdown.

11. The Whispering Weirdo

Lastly, order your sandwich in a whisper so faint, a butterfly’s wingbeat would drown it out. When they inevitably ask you to repeat yourself, whisper even softer. It’s like a game of culinary charades, where the only prize is their growing frustration.


While these tactics are sure to bring a tear to the eye of any Subway employee, remember, they’re just trying to make your sandwich. So maybe, just maybe, spare them the theatrics and order a simple turkey on wheat. It’s easier on everyone, especially the poor soul who just wants to make it through their shift without questioning their life choices.


I'm a human being. Usually hungry. I don't have lice.

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