11 Delicious Recipes for Roadkill Enthusiasts

Written by Michael in Food

Are you tired of the same old grocery store meat? Do you crave something more adventurous, more daring, and more… freshly squashed? Well, my fellow roadkill enthusiasts, you’ve come to the right place! Here, we’ll explore 11 mouth-watering recipes that will make you look at those highway-flattened critters in a whole new light. Get ready to rev up your appetite and embark on a culinary journey like no other!

  1. Raccoon Ragu
    • Ingredients:
      • 1 freshly scraped raccoon
      • 1 onion, chopped
      • 3 cloves of garlic, minced
      • 1 can of crushed tomatoes
      • 1 cup of red wine (or whatever you have left in that box from last night)
      • Salt and pepper, to taste
    • Instructions:
      1. Carefully remove any remaining tire treads from the raccoon.
      2. In a large pot, sauté the onion and garlic until fragrant.
      3. Add the raccoon meat and cook until browned.
      4. Pour in the crushed tomatoes and red wine. Simmer for 2 hours or until the raccoon is tender and the sauce has thickened.
      5. Serve over your favorite pasta and enjoy the fruits of your foraging!
  2. Skunk Skewers
    • Ingredients:
      • 1 skunk, carefully skinned and deboned
      • 1 cup of your favorite marinade
      • Assorted vegetables (bell peppers, onions, mushrooms)
      • Skewers
    • Instructions:
      1. Marinate the skunk meat in your chosen sauce for at least 4 hours. This will help mask any lingering odors.
      2. Thread the skunk meat and vegetables onto the skewers, alternating between each.
      3. Grill the skewers over medium-high heat, turning occasionally, until the meat is cooked through and the vegetables are slightly charred.
      4. Serve hot and enjoy the looks of envy from your neighbors!
  3. Possum Pot Pie
    • Ingredients:
      • 1 possum, cleaned and cut into bite-sized pieces
      • 1 cup of diced potatoes
      • 1 cup of diced carrots
      • 1 cup of frozen peas
      • 1 onion, chopped
      • 1 can of cream of mushroom soup
      • 1 pre-made pie crust
    • Instructions:
      1. Preheat your oven to 375°F (190°C).
      2. In a large bowl, mix together the possum meat, potatoes, carrots, peas, onion, and cream of mushroom soup.
      3. Pour the mixture into a pie dish and top with the pre-made crust.
      4. Bake for 45 minutes or until the crust is golden brown and the filling is bubbly.
      5. Let cool for a few minutes before digging in. Don’t forget to check for any stray possum teeth!
  4. Armadillo Alfredo
    • Ingredients:
      • 1 armadillo, shelled and cubed
      • 1 cup of heavy cream
      • 1/2 cup of grated Parmesan cheese
      • 2 cloves of garlic, minced
      • 1/4 cup of butter
      • Salt and pepper, to taste
    • Instructions:
      1. In a large skillet, melt the butter over medium heat.
      2. Add the garlic and sauté until fragrant.
      3. Add the armadillo meat and cook until browned.
      4. Pour in the heavy cream and bring to a simmer.
      5. Stir in the Parmesan cheese until melted and the sauce has thickened.
      6. Season with salt and pepper to taste.
      7. Serve over your favorite pasta and enjoy the unique texture of armadillo meat!
  5. Squirrel Stir-Fry
    • Ingredients:
      • 2 squirrels, skinned and deboned
      • 1 tablespoon of vegetable oil
      • 1 bell pepper, sliced
      • 1 onion, sliced
      • 2 cloves of garlic, minced
      • 1/4 cup of soy sauce
      • 1 tablespoon of honey
      • 1 teaspoon of sriracha (or more, if you like it spicy)
    • Instructions:
      1. In a wok or large skillet, heat the vegetable oil over high heat.
      2. Add the squirrel meat and stir-fry until browned.
      3. Add the bell pepper, onion, and garlic. Stir-fry for an additional 2-3 minutes.
      4. In a small bowl, whisk together the soy sauce, honey, and sriracha.
      5. Pour the sauce over the stir-fry and cook for another minute, until everything is well coated.
      6. Serve over rice and enjoy the nutty flavor of squirrel meat!
  6. Deer Jerky
    • Ingredients:
      • 1 pound of deer meat (preferably from a fresh roadkill)
      • 1/4 cup of soy sauce
      • 1/4 cup of Worcestershire sauce
      • 1 tablespoon of liquid smoke
      • 1 teaspoon of garlic powder
      • 1 teaspoon of onion powder
      • 1/2 teaspoon of black pepper
    • Instructions:
      1. Slice the deer meat into thin strips, removing any fat or gristle.
      2. In a large bowl, whisk together the soy sauce, Worcestershire sauce, liquid smoke, garlic powder, onion powder, and black pepper.
      3. Add the deer meat to the marinade and mix well, ensuring all pieces are coated.
      4. Cover the bowl and refrigerate for at least 4 hours, or overnight for maximum flavor.
      5. Preheat your oven to 165°F (74°C) or use a dehydrator if you have one.
      6. Place the marinated deer strips on a wire rack over a baking sheet.
      7. Dry the jerky in the oven or dehydrator for 4-6 hours, or until it reaches your desired level of chewiness.
      8. Store in an airtight container and enjoy your homemade roadkill snack!
  7. Rabbit Ratatouille
    • Ingredients:
      • 1 rabbit, cleaned and cut into pieces
      • 1 eggplant, cubed
      • 1 zucchini, cubed
      • 1 bell pepper, cubed
      • 1 onion, chopped
      • 3 cloves of garlic, minced
      • 1 can of diced tomatoes
      • 1 tablespoon of olive oil
      • 1 teaspoon of dried thyme
      • Salt and pepper, to taste
    • Instructions:
      1. In a large skillet, heat the olive oil over medium heat.
      2. Add the onion and garlic, and sauté until fragrant.
      3. Add the rabbit pieces and cook until browned on all sides.
      4. Stir in the eggplant, zucchini, bell pepper, diced tomatoes, and thyme.
      5. Season with salt and pepper to taste.
      6. Simmer the ratatouille for 30-40 minutes, or until the rabbit is tender and the vegetables are soft.
      7. Serve hot and enjoy the rustic flavors of this classic French dish with a roadkill twist!
  8. Turtle Tacos
    • Ingredients:
      • 1 turtle, cleaned and meat removed from the shell
      • 1 tablespoon of vegetable oil
      • 1 onion, chopped
      • 2 cloves of garlic, minced
      • 1 tablespoon of chili powder
      • 1 teaspoon of cumin
      • 1/2 teaspoon of oregano
      • Salt and pepper, to taste
      • Corn tortillas
      • Toppings of your choice (lettuce, tomato, cheese, sour cream)
    • Instructions:
      1. In a large skillet, heat the vegetable oil over medium heat.
      2. Add the onion and garlic, and sauté until fragrant.
      3. Add the turtle meat, chili powder, cumin, oregano, salt, and pepper. Cook until the meat is browned and cooked through.
      4. Warm the corn tortillas in the oven or on a griddle.
      5. Assemble the tacos by placing the turtle meat on the tortillas and adding your desired toppings.
      6. Enjoy your unique take on a classic Mexican dish!
  9. Opossum Osso Buco
    • Ingredients:
      • 4 opossum shanks
      • 1 onion, chopped
      • 2 carrots, chopped
      • 2 celery stalks, chopped
      • 3 cloves of garlic, minced
      • 1 cup of white wine
      • 2 cups of chicken broth
      • 1 can of diced tomatoes
      • 2 tablespoons of olive oil
      • 1 teaspoon of dried thyme
      • 1 bay leaf
      • Salt and pepper, to taste
    • Instructions:
      1. Preheat your oven to 350°F (175°C).
      2. In a large Dutch oven, heat the olive oil over medium heat.
      3. Season the opossum shanks with salt and pepper, then brown them on all sides in the Dutch oven.
      4. Remove the shanks and set them aside.
      5. In the same Dutch oven, sauté the onion, carrots, celery, and garlic until softened.
      6. Add the white wine and scrape up any browned bits from the bottom of the pot.
      7. Return the opossum shanks to the pot and add the chicken broth, diced tomatoes, thyme, and bay leaf.
      8. Cover the Dutch oven and transfer it to the preheated oven.
      9. Cook for 2-3 hours, or until the opossum meat is tender and falling off the bone.
      10. Serve over creamy polenta or mashed potatoes and enjoy this fancy take on roadkill cuisine!
  10. Groundhog Goulash
    • Ingredients:
      • 1 groundhog, cleaned and cut into chunks
      • 1 onion, chopped
      • 2 bell peppers, chopped
      • 3 cloves of garlic, minced
      • 2 tablespoons of paprika
      • 1 teaspoon of caraway seeds
      • 1 can of diced tomatoes
      • 2 cups of beef broth
      • 1 tablespoon of olive oil
      • Salt and pepper, to taste
    • Instructions:
      1. In a large pot, heat the olive oil over medium heat.
      2. Add the onion and garlic, and sauté until fragrant.
      3. Add the groundhog meat and cook until browned.
      4. Stir in the bell peppers, paprika, caraway seeds, diced tomatoes, and beef broth.
      5. Season with salt and pepper to taste.
      6. Simmer the goulash for 1-2 hours, or until the groundhog meat is tender.
      7. Serve over egg noodles or with crusty bread and enjoy this hearty Hungarian-inspired dish!
  11. Roadkill Reuben
    • Ingredients:
      • 1 pound of your favorite roadkill meat (deer, raccoon, or opossum work well)
      • 8 slices of rye bread
      • 1 cup of sauerkraut
      • 8 slices of Swiss cheese
      • 1/2 cup of thousand island dressing
      • 2 tablespoons of butter
    • Instructions:
      1. Cook the roadkill meat using your preferred method (grilling, roasting, or frying) until it’s tender and cooked through.
      2. Slice the meat thinly against the grain.
      3. Preheat a large skillet or griddle over medium heat.
      4. Spread butter on one side of each slice of rye bread.
      5. Place 4 slices of bread, butter-side down, on the skillet.
      6. Layer each slice with Swiss cheese, roadkill meat, sauerkraut, and thousand island dressing.
      7. Top with the remaining slices of bread, butter-side up.
      8. Cook the sandwiches for 3-4 minutes on each side, or until the bread is golden brown and the cheese is melted.
      9. Cut the sandwiches in half and serve hot. Enjoy this classic deli sandwich with a roadkill twist!

And there you have it, folks! 11 delicious recipes for the adventurous roadkill enthusiast. Remember, the fresher the roadkill, the better the dish. Always exercise caution when handling and preparing these unconventional meats, and be sure to check your local laws regarding the collection and consumption of roadkill.

Happy cooking, and may your highways be filled with tasty, pre-tenderized treats!

Michael

I'm a human being. Usually hungry. I don't have lice.

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