Top Ten Ways to Annoy Telemarketers

If you’re anything like me, you always look forward to calls from telemarketers. They’re a welcome break from the mundane tasks of everyday life, and they provide an opportunity to practice your best passive-aggressive behavior. Here are the top ten ways to annoy telemarketers, guaranteed to make their day just a little bit worse.

1. Be completely uncooperative.

Give them false information, refuse to answer their questions, and generally make their lives as difficult as possible. Oh, and be sure to do it with a smile on your face.

2. Be very vague in your responses.

Telemarketers are trained to be persistent, but if you’re evasive enough they’ll eventually get frustrated and move on. The best way to do this is to answer their questions with questions of your own.

Ask them things such as “Does that come in green?” or “Can I pay with cash?”

3. Put them on hold… and don’t come back.

This one is pretty self-explanatory. Just pretend you need to step away from the phone for a moment, and then don’t come back. They’ll be left sitting there indefinitely until they eventually give up and hang up.

4. Give them a taste of their own medicine.

Telemarketers hate it when you interrupt them, so do it as often as possible. But be sure to do it in a polite and friendly manner, so they don’t get too frustrated.

5. Ask them personal questions.

Telemarketers are trained to avoid getting personal, but you can use that to your advantage. Ask them questions about their life, their family, their hobbies, etc. The more personal the better.

6. Sing to them.

This one is guaranteed to drive them crazy. Pick any song, preferably one that’s repetitive and has a lot of lyrics, and start singing it at the top of your lungs. They’ll be begging you to stop in no time.

7. Be a broken record.

No matter what they say, keep repeating the same phrase over and over again. Something like “I’m not interested” or “I don’t want to buy anything” should do the trick.

8. Play games with them.

Ask them to hold while you go get a pen and paper, then make them wait for an absurdly long time. Or pretend you can’t hear them and keep asking them to repeat themselves.

9. Be a know-it-all.

Argue with everything they say, no matter how ridiculous it may be. Even if you don’t know what you’re talking about, act like you do and make them look foolish.

10. Waste their time.

Keep them on the phone for as long as possible, even if you’re not really interested in what they’re selling. The longer you can keep them talking, the more annoyed they’ll become.

These are just a few of the many ways you can annoy telemarketers. So next time one calls, put these tips to good use and make their day just a little bit worse.