The downside of going to a veterinarian instead of a doctor

Everyone out there knows that I like to save money. A great way that I’ve learned to save money is by going to a veterinarian instead of a doctor. Here are the downsides of visiting a veterinarian instead of a doctor.

Wearing a flea and tick collar is a must

I’m the type of person who loves to scratch. If it were up to me, I’d spend all day long scratching. However, I don’t like the idea of coming home with my body covered with fleas. As you might remember, I used to manage a flea circus back in the day. There was once a time when we visited every city big and small. My favorite was the sideshow acts. I’ll never forget the time the bearded lady flea had too much to drink and got into an argument with the siamese twins.

I miss the days of being on the road with the flea circus. I don’t want to be around fleas anymore. It’s too painful. I think back to all the fun we used to have. That was before the animal rights people put a stop to all the fun at the circus. We had trained grasshoppers and even a snail. The elderly people liked to watch the snail do tricks since it was at their pace.

I thought about getting the crew back together for one last run. I don’t think it will ever happen. The world is such a different place now. I don’t think the public has the stomach to watch ants doing highwire tricks. The circus isn’t what it used to be without animals doing tricks. The only thing there is to watch now is urine soaked clowns who question their life choices in mid-performance. I guess that’s what happens when you rebel against society and don’t take life seriously. You could’ve been like Danny and got a CDL and drove truck from one side of the country to the other, but no, you had to make your stepfather angry. Clowns will be clowns.

Don’t carry fish in your pockets unless you want to be best friends with every cat in the joint

I learned the hard way not to bring a pocketful of fish to the vet. It was Caturday, and they were offering a free fur ball cleanser. The whole place was filled with nothing but cats. You don’t want to walk into a vet’s office that’s full of cats with two pockets full of fish. You might be wondering why I had fish in my pockets to begin with. Mind your own business. I don’t ask you personal questions. Keep your nose out of stuff where it doesn’t belong. If I feel like carrying around a pocket or two full of fish, then let it be. It’s my business, and let’s leave it at that.

Getting dewormed isn’t as much fun as it sounds

I’m already ahead of you on this one, and you better not even think about it. I know that being dewormed sounds like a whole lot of fun. It isn’t. I suggest the best way to keep from getting worms is to eat a pinch of snuff every now and them. I don’t think there’s any difference between brands or flavors. I’d say get whatever is cheapest that you can swallow. Personally, I’m a wintergreen kind of guy myself. A pinch every month or so will keep yourself from getting worms. It’s an all-natural way of preventing worms. Keep the can of snuff in the refrigerator, and it should stay good for months, if not an entire year. A single can of snuff can last you a long time unless your whole family is worried about getting worms, then you might have to buy a can every couple of months

You might get offered a treat if you’re a good boy

I’m a grown man, and I still get nervous while I’m at the doctor. Much like a dog, someone needs to yank my chain to get me through the doors. Any wife out there knows that it’s next to impossible to get their husband to go to the doctor. That’s why I don’t mind a treat at the end of the exam if I’m a good boy. I wish it were a lollipop, but I’ll settle for a liver flavor treat. I’m not the biggest fan of liver, but I find that the dog treats do freshen my breath. I can’t tell you how many Uber drivers have commented on my breath while driving me home after a visit to the veterinarian.

I feel an uncontrollable desire to bite the doctor

I don’t know what it is about the veterinarian’s office, but I have such a strong desire to bite the doctor. Sometimes he’ll walk in, and I’ll sniff him right away, and that’s when the urge to bite him occurs. It’s overwhelming, and all I can think about is biting him. I keep telling myself it’s okay and that I can go chase a car or two after we’re done. It takes all of my strength not to bite into the doctor. I’ve found myself nipping at his heels as he leaves. It’s even worse if I try to bite his hand while he’s doing something. As soon as he walks in the door all I can think about is biting him. I can’t think of anything else unless he pulls out a squeeze toy.

I hate it when they put that cone thing on my head

It takes a little time to get used to the cone they put on your head. I still have a hard time figuring out why I have to wear a cone. My only guess is that it keeps me from chewing on something I shouldn’t. I think by now they would realize that I’m not going to bite myself. Though, I have been known to almost gnaw off a finger if a little BBQ sauce somehow gets on it. I can see their point, but I never go to McDonald’s for chicken nuggets after the doctor. Who in the world feels like eating after being around a bunch of fleabags that want to be there less than I do?

If you’re looking to save money, look no further

I know going to the vet instead of the doctor isn’t for everyone. It took me a little while to get used to it. Sure, you get stares from people who don’t understand what a great value it is. I laugh so hard when I see people walking into a people doctor. I know how much money they’re wasting. Why give a doctor all your hard-earned money when you can get the same procedure for much less money? Listen, I know it’s a little weird going in for a routine checkup and also getting a rabies shot. I get it, but still, it’s better than paying through the nose at the doctor’s office.

If you’re on the fence, I say give it a try. I would avoid wearing a costume to pretend to be an animal. Vets are pretty good at spotting a fake. It’s always a bad idea to scare a pit bull unless you feel like being lunch. If you have pets, don’t hesitate to ask for a discount during your next visit. The vet may give you a two for one deal if you and your dog need a distemper shot. It’s well worth checking into and who knows, maybe the two of you will get a free flea bath. It’ll be like going to the spa, except without the relaxing music and massage.


I'm a human being. Usually hungry. I don't have lice.

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