Steps for Organizing and Decluttering Your Home


Last Updated on May 22, 2024 by Michael

Is your home so cluttered that you’ve considered moving out and starting a new life under an assumed identity? Do you have more junk than a hoarder’s garage sale? Fear not, my fellow mess-makers, for I have come to guide you through the treacherous waters of decluttering and organizing your living space. Prepare to embark on a journey filled with laughter, tears, and the occasional dust bunny.

Embrace Your Inner Marie Kondo

First things first, you must channel your inner Marie Kondo. For those unfamiliar with this tidying titan, she’s the Japanese organizing consultant who took the world by storm with her KonMari method. The key to her success? Asking yourself if each item in your home “sparks joy.”

  • Hold each item in your hand and ask, “Does this spark joy, or does it make me want to cry?”
  • If the item sparks joy, keep it. If it makes you want to cry, throw it out the window (or donate it, if you’re feeling generous).
  • If you’re unsure, try having a heart-to-heart conversation with the item. If it doesn’t respond, it’s probably safe to let it go.

Just remember, if everything in your home sparks joy, you might have a problem. It’s okay to let go of things, even if they once brought you happiness. Like that old pair of underwear with the holes in them. It’s time to say goodbye.

Create a “Maybe” Pile (and Then Set It on Fire)

When decluttering, it’s common to come across items that you’re not quite ready to part with. This is where the “maybe” pile comes in handy. But be warned, this pile is a trap. It’s like the Bermuda Triangle of decluttering – things go in, but they never come out.

  1. Create a “maybe” pile for items you’re unsure about.
  2. Leave the pile untouched for a week.
  3. If you haven’t thought about the items in the pile during that week, it’s time to let them go.
  4. Set the pile on fire and dance around it while chanting, “Begone, clutter demons!” (Please don’t actually do this. Fire is dangerous, and clutter demons are notoriously hard to get rid of.)

The key to success with the “maybe” pile is to be ruthless. If you haven’t used an item in the past year, chances are you don’t need it. And if you do need it, you can always buy a new one (or borrow one from a friend, if you’re feeling thrifty).

Unleash Your Inner Label Maker

Once you’ve decluttered, it’s time to get organized. And what better way to do that than by unleashing your inner label maker? Label everything in sight – from your underwear drawer to your cat’s food bowl. The more labels, the better.

  • Invest in a high-quality label maker. Don’t skimp on this – you want your labels to be legible and long-lasting.
  • Label everything in your home, including your family members. They might not appreciate it, but it’s for their own good.
  • If you run out of things to label, start labeling your labels. Meta-labeling is the future.

Just be careful not to go overboard with the labeling. You don’t want to end up like that guy who labeled his toilet paper “butt wipes.” Some things are better left unlabeled.

Invest in Storage Solutions (and Then Forget What You Stored)

Storage solutions are a declutterer’s best friend. From vacuum-sealed bags to under-bed boxes, there’s a storage solution for everything. But be warned, with great storage comes great responsibility.

  1. Invest in a variety of storage solutions, from small boxes to large bins.
  2. Label each storage solution with its contents. Don’t be vague – “miscellaneous” is not a helpful label.
  3. Store your storage solutions in a place where you’ll forget about them. Out of sight, out of mind.

The key to successful storage is to not overdo it. If you find yourself buying more storage solutions than actual items to store, you might have a problem. And if you can’t remember what you’ve stored in your storage solutions, it’s time to declutter again.

Host a “Stuff Swap” Party

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, or so the saying goes. Why not put this philosophy to the test by hosting a “stuff swap” party? Invite your friends over and have them bring their unwanted items. Then, let the swapping begin!

  • Set up a designated “swap area” in your home, complete with snacks and drinks.
  • Have each guest display their unwanted items and give a brief explanation of why they no longer want them.
  • Encourage guests to trade items with each other. If two people want the same item, have them compete in a dance-off or a staring contest.

Just be careful not to end up with more stuff than you started with. The goal of a stuff swap party is to declutter, not to reclutter. And if you do end up with more stuff, well, you can always host another stuff swap party next week.

Turn Decluttering Into a Drinking Game

If all else fails, turn decluttering into a drinking game. For every item you declutter, take a sip of your favorite beverage. The more you declutter, the more you drink. What could possibly go wrong?

  1. Choose your beverage of choice. We recommend something strong, like whiskey or tequila.
  2. Set a goal for how many items you want to declutter. Be ambitious – you’re going to need those drinks.
  3. Start decluttering. For every item you get rid of, take a sip of your drink.
  4. If you start to feel dizzy or nauseous, stop decluttering and lie down. You can always finish tomorrow (or next week, or next month).

Disclaimer: We are not responsible for any hangovers, regrettable decisions, or accidental donations of sentimental items that may occur as a result of this drinking game. Declutter at your own risk.

Hire a Professional Organizer (and Then Fire Them)

If you’ve tried everything and your home is still cluttered, it might be time to call in the big guns: a professional organizer. These folks are trained to whip even the most chaotic homes into shape. But be warned, they can be ruthless.

  • Research professional organizers in your area. Look for someone with a good reputation and a sense of humor.
  • Schedule a consultation with your chosen organizer. Be prepared to bare your soul (and your messy closets).
  • Let the organizer work their magic. They might make you get rid of things you never thought you could part with, like that collection of old takeout menus.
  • Once your home is organized, fire the organizer. You don’t need them anymore – you’ve got this.

Just remember, a professional organizer is not a magician. They can’t make your clutter disappear overnight. And they definitely can’t make your family members put things back where they belong. That’s on you, my friend.

In conclusion, decluttering and organizing your home can be a daunting task, but it doesn’t have to be a chore. With these unconventional and hilarious tips, you’ll be well on your way to a clutter-free living space. Just remember to approach the process with a sense of humor and a willingness to let go of things that no longer serve you. And if all else fails, you can always move to a deserted island and start anew. Happy decluttering, folks!

Michael

I'm a human being. Usually hungry. I don't have lice.

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