My first blog post

What happened to the other site? That’s probably what you’re wondering right now. Was it abducted by aliens? No. Did I sell it to pay for my brand new shiny fake mustache? Not I didn’t. The site didn’t work out the way I thought it would. There were several different factors in that and I’ll talk about them. The first one was me breaking my wrist and elbow. That was totally out of the blue. I should state the obvious and say I didn’t plan on breaking those bones. That really threw me for a loop.

I’ve tried to fully grasp the impact that the fall had on my life. At the time it was kind of hard to put all the puzzle pieces together. My wife had given birth to our daughter just a few months prior. This was one of the biggest changes of my entire life. I had no idea the impact that it had. Everyone says that having kids really changes your perspective. I really didn’t believe it. I just thought parents were being creative in their excuses for living what seemed like a very boring life. Come to find out that so called boring life is much more demanding than I thought. Who knew babies need help doing everything? I’ve never been around babies much. I was once a baby. But, that was a long time ago. Things have changed since then.

I have a lot of followers on Twitter. I thought those followers would visit my site. Turns out, I was wrong. I don’t know why very few of my followers visited the site. I tried to think about it and steam came out of my ears. It wasn’t smoke. Smoking is bad for you. Steam or vaping is in. You can’t smoke inside or people look at you like you’re the most evil person in the entire world. Isn’t it odd how cigarettes have become villians like that? Anyway, no smoke was coming out of my ears.

I was surprised by how few visitors my site had. The number was actually shocking. Some days there were no visitors at all. I’m sure there’s a blog post out there from 2007 talking about someone crocheting their dog a vest that gets at least one visitor a day. Maybe the server stats were wrong. I have a feeling they weren’t wrong. This made me think why wasn’t anyone visiting my site. Not just from Twitter, but no one was coming from the search engines either. Surely there had to be one person searching for something that my site talked about. Well, it seems like there wasn’t.

The conclusion that I made is quite simple: No one visited my site because it sucked. It had to suck really bad for no one to visit it. Just think back to some of the terrible sites you’ve visited in the past week. You’ve searched for some pretty stupid stuff. We all have. No one was searching for anything on my site. Not a single person. That’s kind of odd.

I think there are several reasons why I wasn’t getting any traffic from search engines. I don’t know if they could tell what my site was about. This is my first theory on why I wasn’t getting any traffic at all. I’m not so sure about that. There were enough pages that I should’ve ranked for something. I mean anything. That in itself doesn’t seem like a plausible reason. It probably added to the other problems that I’ll talk about in a bit. I’ll get to them after I go see if the ice cream truck is coming.

The ice cream truck is no where in sight. I think the main problem with my site was a lack of written content. I just don’t think there was enough words on the page. I think Google and the other search engines want lots and lots of text. They want each blog post to be like an ebook. This is my main theory as to why I didn’t get any visitors from them. I believe they saw my site and thought it wasn’t high quality. They were probably right. I do think people who visit sites are looking to read more than what I provided. I’m not sure how much people are actually looking to read. I don’t even know if anyone has read this far. I imagine at least one of you have. If you’re the type of person who likes to read, then keep on going. I’m going to type more words than you can count.

Why do I care if people visit my site?

This is a hard question to answer. Not as hard as what fake mustache I’m going to wear while buying a cheeseburger in the near future. I don’t know what I want to do with this site. I want to do something. I think I want to make money off of it. Sometimes I think about that and it makes me feel bad. It makes me feel like I just ate some bad durian. Have you ever eaten durian? I don’t how you can tell if that stuff is good or bad. I have a feeling the bad stuff may taste better than the good stuff.

I would like to change my profession and become a blogger. I don’t really know if I want to be a blogger. I always think of bloggers as people who have something useful to say. They want to teach you how to make a winter coat out of the fur your dog sheds. Maybe they have some sort of hardline views that they want to get across. I’m not really into any of that stuff. If that’s what a blogger is, then I don’t want anything to do with it.

I have been watching videos on YouTube about blogging and how to make money doing it. Usually those guys have really white teeth. I mean teeth so white they look like ivory. They have big smiles like a used car salesman who just got done selling you a lemon. I don’t know if I should believe them or not. I get the feeling that most of them just want you to buy what they have for sale. Most of them do have something for sale. There’s just something odd about how they intertwine their sales pitch with the free information.

How much money do I want to make? This is a question that I had to keep asking myself over and over again. Do I want enough to buy a cheeseburger? Yes. I’d even like enough to buy two cheeseburgers. This got me thinking… Why should I settle for a cheeseburger? I might be able to make more money. I may even be able to buy an entire foot long sub if they have them on sale for five bucks. Yes, I said bucks. I don’t like calling dollars bucks. Why did I do it there? I wanted to sound cool. After all, I very well could be a blogger soon. Us bloggers have to be entertaining to make any loot.

I think a million dollars is a nice round number. I’d like to make a million dollars with this site. Why not a billion? That’s just outrageous. No blog could ever make a billion dollars. You have to be realistic when setting your goals. I do think it’s possible to make a million dollars. Why not? I remember one time as a teenager I saw a store selling fake dog feces. It was a gag and you’ve probably seen this sort of thing too. But, it made me realize that you can make money doing just about anything. There’s nothing off limits when it comes to making money. Just think of all those hair bands in the 80’s that sold countless amounts of records. They too prove that anyone can make a buck.

I would also like to learn how to do all of this. By “all of this” I mean blogging and running a website. I’d like to be able to teach other people how to do it for free. I think there’s going to be more people down the line who want to do this sort of thing. Maybe we all can get together and help each other out. It’s a nice idea. Don’t worry, there won’t be any standing in a circle holding hands while singing like the Smurfs. I’m not a big fan of hats. Not unless they’re made out of cold noodles.

I don’t know what it will take for me to reach my goal. I don’t think I can do it using Twitter alone. I think I’ll have to use some other social networking sites. It’ll probably be quite some time before I get traffic from Google. Even then, who knows if that traffic is going to stick around. This is probably one of those sites where regular visitors will be needed. These are the people who will buy the super duper fake mustaches that I’ll have for sale. That’s gets me to another problem, making money.

I’m not too sure how a site like this could make money. I don’t really think there’s an untapped market for fake mustaches. People in those online money making videos say you need to select a niche. It should be something that makes money. I really don’t know what to write about that makes money. I’m not interested in writing about car insurance or camping gear. There’s a wide spectrum of stuff to write about and none of it seems interesting at all. I hate the idea of trying to sell stuff to people. I suppose I could do it in a very low budget informercial type of way. I do like watching those. If I had a bald spot, you better believe I’d be hitting it with a little GLH before walking out the door.

Part of me says that I should just write. Write about the stuff I like. Worry first about getting people to the site and then think about making money. I suppose this is probably the best way to do it. You can’t sell anything to people who don’t exist. I’d be a millionaire already if I could sell Mrs. Robinson a slice of carrot cake during my imaginary tea party. That imaginary woman only comes for the free tea. I’ve never seen such a tightwad in my entire life.

I didn’t enjoy running the other site. I used a premium plugin called Yoast SEO. I really think this plugin is garbage. It seems extremely out dated. It also made the admin of my WordPress very slow. I don’t know if it was the plugin or the host I was using. I have a feeling that it was the plugin. Though, there were some hosting issues as well. The experience of editing a blog post was terrible. Everything happened at a snail’s pace. I’ve never ever seen anything like this before. I didn’t even want to go through the hassle of updating my site. I’m not going to renew my subscription or use it any more. I don’t like it. I know there are people who recommend this plugin left and right. Not me. I’d only recommend it to Aunt Martha to occupy her so I could go out and do something crazy with Ricky. That plugin would keep her busy for hours and she’d forget all about calling me.

You should fully expect plenty of grammar errors. I’m not going to be too hard on myself about that stuff. It’s not fun and I’m trying to have as much fun as possible. Don’t be surprised if you need to take a few antacids if you’re an English teacher. I also expect that the design will change. I really don’t know what I want it to look like. I wasn’t happy with the other design. I’m not a designer and I need to use something out of the box. So, I’m kind of stuck with what’s available. It can be extremely frustrating when you can’t modify something exactly the way you want it. But, I don’t care about that any more. My main focus is going to be on written content. Everything else will end up taking a backseat.

I think that’s all I wanted to cover in this first post. Don’t worry, the other posts won’t be as serious as this one. I just wanted to make sure everyone understood what happened to the other site. I just didn’t like it. I’m not sure how much I’m going to like this site. I’m just going to focus on writing and having a good time. I have a feeling if I do that it will be a success.

I would also like to add that I’m looking to work with as many people as possible. You may be good at Facebook or Tumblr for example. I’d like to expand my social networking presence. I’m also looking to build a community of commenters. We all can comment on each others blogs. I think it’s important to build a community around a blog. Just having a blog isn’t good enough. I think a good number is 10-20 people. But, I’m open to more people. I think we all can help each other out and maybe make a little money in the process. Who knows, maybe we’ll make enough to go on a shopping spree at the Dollar Tree.

I don’t know how many people have read this far down. I thank all of you who have. I’m going to try to make a site that I can be proud of. It’s going to be a lot of work. I now understand just how much work it will be. I didn’t before. Hopefully we all will have a good time. If we do, then it surely will be a success.


I'm a human being. Usually hungry. I don't have lice.

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