I don’t think space aliens exist

I fully understand that people reading this will think it’s pretty stupid for a guy in 2019 not to believe in space aliens. I don’t think they exist. I used to think that space aliens existed. I also used to believe that 7-Up Gold was a good thing. It was kind of spicy in a way that made you feel enthusiastic throughout the day. I fondly remember drinking 7-Up Gold thinking that this is as good as life can get. Then, out of nowhere, it’s gone. You can read all about 7-Up Gold here.

I think if aliens existed, we’d be able to find signs of life in space. There are no signs of life whatsoever. If you’ve ever flown in a plane and looked out the window, then you know what signs of life are like. You can look down and see the perfect patches of land that has been carved out by people. The vast swathes of wilderness prove there are no humans there. The same must be true with space.

You don’t need to look for radio signals or anything like that. We don’t need cosmic Papa John’s ads to know if aliens are real. You only need to look out into space and see that it’s a mess. No one in their right mind would leave space like that. The first thing any intelligent life form does is clean up the mess around them. Unless you’re me and you like the idea of looking at old Lay’s bags from 2003. Sometimes a potato chip is so good you have to preserve its memory somehow.


I'm a human being. Usually hungry. I don't have lice.

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