I don’t have a uterus

I was sitting in a waiting room in an office building a few days ago when I realized something. I don’t have a uterus. Everyone around me had a uterus. Not me. I don’t have one. I didn’t know what to make of it. Did I feel jealous? Kind of. I mean, it must be great to have a uterus. I can’t imagine how much fun it must be. Sometimes being a man sucks. Big time.

Do I want a uterus? I don’t know the answer to that question. I may be interested in renting a uterus. I’m a very messy person. I’m sure that my uterus would reflect my personality. It would be a total mess. It wouldn’t be too surprising if someone didn’t find McDonald’s action figures from the 90’s up in there. Hoarding would have a whole new definition if I had a uterus. I can’t even begin to think of the stuff I’d save. Who knows, I might even put a few bags of Tootsie Rolls in it to eat later. Tootsie Rolls are one of those things that you never want to run out of. I wouldn’t have that worry if I had a uterus.

Would I take a uterus if it was offered to me? Maybe. It might make a lovely hat. I don’t know what a uterus looks like. I’m a man. I’m not supposed to know these things. I just know I don’t have a uterus. The word uterus is kind of beautiful. Nothing on a man’s body is as wonderful sounding as uterus. It sounds like an exotic far away land or maybe even a different planet. Have you been to uterus? No, I haven’t. But, I’ve heard wonderful things about it. That was my attempt at imaginary dialogue. I’m too tired to make it look all grammatically perfect. It’s been a long day and it’s too late to drink coffee.

A kangaroo has a pouch. A woman has a uterus. A man has a fake mustache. I wouldn’t mind knowing what it’s like to be inside a kangaroo’s pouch. Do you remember Hoppy from The Flintsones? I think Barney was inside Hoppy’s pouch before. I could be wrong about that. I was just thinking about The Great Gazoo a few days ago. It sure would be great to have a friend like him. I just shook my head like someone with cerebral palsy after writing that. I’m not sure why I did that.

To wrap all of this up… I don’t have a uterus. I’m not sure that I want one. I’m not convinced my life would be any better. You can’t teach a uterus to do tricks or play a piano. It might not be all that much fun to have a uterus.

Do you have a uterus? If so, talk about it in the comment section below. Who knows, maybe you’ll convince me to some day wish I had one too.

139 thoughts on “I don’t have a uterus

  1. One thought i had on if you ever decided to accept the offer of a uterus. Welcome to the wonderful exciting world of feminine hygiene products.

    1. I never thought about any of that stuff until you just mentioned it. I probably don’t want a uterus. I’m too big of a tightwad to buy that stuff.

    1. oh! i thought you were talking about the number..like numerology or something. lol good grief!! There are at least 77 FHP probably. Have you seen that aisle lately? Michael would have to just close his eyes and pick and hope he got the right one.

      1. I don’t know what’s up with 77. As a married guy I’ve bought a few of these products in my day. I don’t claim to be an expert, but I know my way around this aisle at the store.

    1. Sometimes I do feel old. Real old as a matter of fact. The influence of time on my perspective has caught me by surprise.

  2. I’m ancient compared to you two. How do you like being 40 something so far? I don’t think i’d want to be 20 again.

    1. Being married to a younger woman keeps me feeling young. There are some things I like about this age. I feel that I have enough experience to know what the world is all about. I do at times feel like an old man while running around after my daughter. I’m reminded that this is a younger man’s game.

  3. It is but people become parents at all ages now. My cousin was almost 50 when he married and at 52 became a father for the first time.

  4. Probably that solves all your problems even for your next 7 future lives. I can only dream about what you have got, even if I have no clue what that means.

    1. I do enjoy using the phone quite a bit. I don’t feel so nervous about weekends coming now that charging isn’t as necessary as it once was.

  5. Is that an informative news intentionally relaxing? These days one can’t know when the news are good/bad/false/fabricated/ignorant/malicious/breaking/basic hard/international/political/investigative/scientific/sports/weather/financial/businesses/astrology/ lifestyle/health/motivational/gossip…or a mixture of all.

    1. I don’t expect the news to be informative. I only hope it entertains me. If it does that, then I feel like a winner.

    1. Not enough. That’s all I can say. I don’t eat it too much these days. I had some a couple of weeks ago. What about you? How much ice cream do you eat per year?

  6. I fondly remember the origins of the pigeon walk. My wife and I were eating ice cream cones in the park when I watched pigeons walk. I’ve had a fascination with their neck movements ever since.

  7. Pigeons are having the best neck movements and perfect feather steps, professional and commercial , chickens are also doing it, but in such an amateurish way, it’s almost embarasing.

    1. You’re right about that. Chickens are so amateur. I don’t feel guilty at all for eating them.

  8. Maybe you’ll be lucky and with the money you could afford even a spare uterus. Do you think to purchase a human organic uterus or a fabricated one?

  9. I am strongly against the trafficking of human organs. Squirrel organs on the other hand, they’re perfectly fine to traffic.

  10. Hot tea and froze ice cream? Let me ask my teeth and digestive system first. I’ll e-mail them later, I hope they have free WiFi access. I’ll let you know what they decide, or if they are going to vote for the best result, hopefully

    1. Coffee and ice cream is a great combination. I’m sure tea is as well. My gut doesn’t have WiFi. It gives me indigestion.

  11. I think beeswax is a great material to build a fake moustaches on lady’s upper lip. Do you think it would work well for men, too?

    1. It might be. Do you suggest they melt it or put the or put a piece of honeycomb on their upper lip?

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