I don’t have a uterus


I was sitting in a waiting room in an office building a few days ago when I realized something. I don’t have a uterus. Everyone around me had a uterus. Not me. I don’t have one. I didn’t know what to make of it. Did I feel jealous? Kind of. I mean, it must be great to have a uterus. I can’t imagine how much fun it must be. Sometimes being a man sucks. Big time.

Do I want a uterus? I don’t know the answer to that question. I may be interested in renting a uterus. I’m a very messy person. I’m sure that my uterus would reflect my personality. It would be a total mess. It wouldn’t be too surprising if someone didn’t find McDonald’s action figures from the 90’s up in there. Hoarding would have a whole new definition if I had a uterus. I can’t even begin to think of the stuff I’d save. Who knows, I might even put a few bags of Tootsie Rolls in it to eat later. Tootsie Rolls are one of those things that you never want to run out of. I wouldn’t have that worry if I had a uterus.

Would I take a uterus if it was offered to me? Maybe. It might make a lovely hat. I don’t know what a uterus looks like. I’m a man. I’m not supposed to know these things. I just know I don’t have a uterus. The word uterus is kind of beautiful. Nothing on a man’s body is as wonderful sounding as uterus. It sounds like an exotic far away land or maybe even a different planet. Have you been to uterus? No, I haven’t. But, I’ve heard wonderful things about it. That was my attempt at imaginary dialogue. I’m too tired to make it look all grammatically perfect. It’s been a long day and it’s too late to drink coffee.

A kangaroo has a pouch. A woman has a uterus. A man has a fake mustache. I wouldn’t mind knowing what it’s like to be inside a kangaroo’s pouch. Do you remember Hoppy from The Flintsones? I think Barney was inside Hoppy’s pouch before. I could be wrong about that. I was just thinking about The Great Gazoo a few days ago. It sure would be great to have a friend like him. I just shook my head like someone with cerebral palsy after writing that. I’m not sure why I did that.

To wrap all of this up… I don’t have a uterus. I’m not sure that I want one. I’m not convinced my life would be any better. You can’t teach a uterus to do tricks or play a piano. It might not be all that much fun to have a uterus.

Do you have a uterus? If so, talk about it in the comment section below. Who knows, maybe you’ll convince me to some day wish I had one too.

Michael

I'm a human being. Usually hungry. I don't have lice.

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Alina
1 year ago

A have a good news for you: you have a uterus!

Alina
1 year ago

You have forgotten that you and your wife are one. 🙂

Alina
1 year ago

What would you cultivate in your uterus?

Alina
1 year ago

Strawberries too?

Alina
1 year ago

And ice cream

Alina
1 year ago

Build a camp fire 🙂

Alina
1 year ago

Like the Sun?

Alina
1 year ago

Like the moon?

Alina
1 year ago

My phone battery is charged 77%, I needed to say it. Thanks for asking.

Sandy
Sandy
1 year ago

One thought i had on if you ever decided to accept the offer of a uterus. Welcome to the wonderful exciting world of feminine hygiene products.

Alina
1 year ago
Reply to  Sandy

That’s so scary for men. You are the best!

Sandy
Sandy
1 year ago
Reply to  Alina

77 is scary for men? Just idle curiosity, why?

Alina
1 year ago

77 feminine hygiene products ?

Sandy
Sandy
1 year ago
Reply to  Alina

oh! i thought you were talking about the number..like numerology or something. lol good grief!! There are at least 77 FHP probably. Have you seen that aisle lately? Michael would have to just close his eyes and pick and hope he got the right one.

Alina
1 year ago

I was born in ’77.

Alina
1 year ago

We are old, we belong to another century 🙂

Alina
1 year ago

Older than a mammoth?

Sandy
Sandy
1 year ago

I’m ancient compared to you two. How do you like being 40 something so far? I don’t think i’d want to be 20 again.

Sandy
Sandy
1 year ago

It is but people become parents at all ages now. My cousin was almost 50 when he married and at 52 became a father for the first time.

Alina
1 year ago

You are never too old to become a father if you have access to a healthy functional uterus, whoever might be owning it.

Alina
1 year ago

What about those who have a uterus and head lice?!

Alina
1 year ago

I need ice cream

Alina
1 year ago

Thank you for the question. I was expecting it; and the answer is: vanilla and chocolate.

Sandy
Sandy
1 year ago

meh, it’s such a gray day today, if i get my chores done i’ll have some chocolate.

Alina
1 year ago

I’ve decide to like my posts and my non posts even my absent posts.

Alina
1 year ago

Thank you! Have a nice day!

Alina
1 year ago

That’s so nice of her! Now you have one more reason to send her enchanting messages 🙂

Alina
1 year ago

Probably that solves all your problems even for your next 7 future lives. I can only dream about what you have got, even if I have no clue what that means.

Alina
1 year ago

You can find other enjoyable activities involving your phone, like polishing what’s polishable.

Alina
1 year ago

Do you ever break the rules?

Alina
1 year ago

If you’re wondering by chance what happened to my 3P (Pink Pegasus Pet), I still have her. She’s fine, thank you!

Alina
1 year ago

Hi Gimmy, have a nice day! ⬅️ message for Gimmy.

Alina
1 year ago

Why? Is my salute tickling his ears?

Alina
1 year ago

Is he reading every single thing ?

Alina
1 year ago

Code red dry rain rn

Alina
1 year ago

You don’t have the security cameras on? He is partying, you know that!!!

Alina
1 year ago

I don’t know why I wrote that. Maybe I was possessed by an alien, I am not sure. Blame it on the aliens!

Alina
1 year ago

Are you wearing glasses with green filter?

Alina
1 year ago

Is that an informative news intentionally relaxing? These days one can’t know when the news are good/bad/false/fabricated/ignorant/malicious/breaking/basic hard/international/political/investigative/scientific/sports/weather/financial/businesses/astrology/ lifestyle/health/motivational/gossip…or a mixture of all.

Alina
1 year ago

You are definitely a man of our times!

Alina
1 year ago

You’re using “razzle dazzle” again! All your followers that voted now are upset and angry. Don’t give them motifs to sue you!

Alina
1 year ago

I don’t believe you. What fruits are you storing lately in your fridge cridge?

Alina
1 year ago

Sure it does. Mango ice cream also counts and banana split too.

Alina
1 year ago

Are you going live with it?

Alina
1 year ago

Maybe tomorrow or some other time, when you have to wait for your coffee to cool down.

Alina
1 year ago

You could auction a pair of f.m.

Alina
1 year ago

Fake moustaches

Alina
1 year ago

Freckles mist

Alina
1 year ago

Frog masks

Alina
1 year ago

Fun mushrooms

Alina
1 year ago

Fountain moss

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