I was sitting in a waiting room in an office building a few days ago when I realized something. I don’t have a uterus. Everyone around me had a uterus. Not me. I don’t have one. I didn’t know what to make of it. Did I feel jealous? Kind of. I mean, it must be great to have a uterus. I can’t imagine how much fun it must be. Sometimes being a man sucks. Big time.
Do I want a uterus? I don’t know the answer to that question. I may be interested in renting a uterus. I’m a very messy person. I’m sure that my uterus would reflect my personality. It would be a total mess. It wouldn’t be too surprising if someone didn’t find McDonald’s action figures from the 90’s up in there. Hoarding would have a whole new definition if I had a uterus. I can’t even begin to think of the stuff I’d save. Who knows, I might even put a few bags of Tootsie Rolls in it to eat later. Tootsie Rolls are one of those things that you never want to run out of. I wouldn’t have that worry if I had a uterus.
Would I take a uterus if it was offered to me? Maybe. It might make a lovely hat. I don’t know what a uterus looks like. I’m a man. I’m not supposed to know these things. I just know I don’t have a uterus. The word uterus is kind of beautiful. Nothing on a man’s body is as wonderful sounding as uterus. It sounds like an exotic far away land or maybe even a different planet. Have you been to uterus? No, I haven’t. But, I’ve heard wonderful things about it. That was my attempt at imaginary dialogue. I’m too tired to make it look all grammatically perfect. It’s been a long day and it’s too late to drink coffee.
A kangaroo has a pouch. A woman has a uterus. A man has a fake mustache. I wouldn’t mind knowing what it’s like to be inside a kangaroo’s pouch. Do you remember Hoppy from The Flintsones? I think Barney was inside Hoppy’s pouch before. I could be wrong about that. I was just thinking about The Great Gazoo a few days ago. It sure would be great to have a friend like him. I just shook my head like someone with cerebral palsy after writing that. I’m not sure why I did that.
To wrap all of this up… I don’t have a uterus. I’m not sure that I want one. I’m not convinced my life would be any better. You can’t teach a uterus to do tricks or play a piano. It might not be all that much fun to have a uterus.
Do you have a uterus? If so, talk about it in the comment section below. Who knows, maybe you’ll convince me to some day wish I had one too.
Recent Posts
Suppose you are reading this article because you are bored at work or because it's the last few minutes of your lunch break. Or, maybe you are one of those people who can't let 5...
If you're anything like me, you've dreamed of drinking a big tall glass of squirrel milk. The problem is, you can't run down to your local supermarket and buy squirrel milk. Here is a helpful...
A have a good news for you: you have a uterus!
I don’t know how good of news that is. I might actually wish I had a uterus.
You have forgotten that you and your wife are one. 🙂
I don’t have a uterus or head lice. She does have a uterus, but no lice.
What would you cultivate in your uterus?
A garden of herbs and vegetables.
Strawberries too?
I’d prefer pineapple.
And ice cream
That might make the uterus cold.
Build a camp fire 🙂
That would make the uterus warm and toasty.
Like the Sun?
Probably not that hot.
Like the moon?
I think the moon is probably pretty cold. I imagine it’s not like the beach there.
My phone battery is charged 77%, I needed to say it. Thanks for asking.
I smiled reading that. 77% is a truly wonderful number.
One thought i had on if you ever decided to accept the offer of a uterus. Welcome to the wonderful exciting world of feminine hygiene products.
I never thought about any of that stuff until you just mentioned it. I probably don’t want a uterus. I’m too big of a tightwad to buy that stuff.
That’s so scary for men. You are the best!
It would be scary. I’m not going to lie and say it wouldn’t be.
77 is scary for men? Just idle curiosity, why?
77 feminine hygiene products ?
oh! i thought you were talking about the number..like numerology or something. lol good grief!! There are at least 77 FHP probably. Have you seen that aisle lately? Michael would have to just close his eyes and pick and hope he got the right one.
I don’t know what’s up with 77. As a married guy I’ve bought a few of these products in my day. I don’t claim to be an expert, but I know my way around this aisle at the store.
I was born in ’77.
I must be a year older than you then…
We are old, we belong to another century 🙂
Sometimes I do feel old. Real old as a matter of fact. The influence of time on my perspective has caught me by surprise.
Older than a mammoth?
Yes, but less furry.
I’m ancient compared to you two. How do you like being 40 something so far? I don’t think i’d want to be 20 again.
Being married to a younger woman keeps me feeling young. There are some things I like about this age. I feel that I have enough experience to know what the world is all about. I do at times feel like an old man while running around after my daughter. I’m reminded that this is a younger man’s game.
It is but people become parents at all ages now. My cousin was almost 50 when he married and at 52 became a father for the first time.
Tony Randall was 77 when he became a father. You’re never too old to become a father!
You are never too old to become a father if you have access to a healthy functional uterus, whoever might be owning it.
Now I’m kind of jealous of those who have a uterus.
What about those who have a uterus and head lice?!
I don’t have lice or a uterus. I’m really bummed out right now. I think I need a cookie.
I need ice cream
What flavor?
Thank you for the question. I was expecting it; and the answer is: vanilla and chocolate.
I always go for chocolate. It’s even better with a cup of coffee.
meh, it’s such a gray day today, if i get my chores done i’ll have some chocolate.
You should eat chocolate regardless. I feel like a day is a complete waste without a little bit of chocolate.
I’ve decide to like my posts and my non posts even my absent posts.
I like that.
Thank you! Have a nice day!
I am having a pretty good day. My wife bought me a new phone.
That’s so nice of her! Now you have one more reason to send her enchanting messages 🙂
It was very nice of her. I like the phone quite a bit. It has a huge battery. 10,000 mah.
Probably that solves all your problems even for your next 7 future lives. I can only dream about what you have got, even if I have no clue what that means.
I do enjoy using the phone quite a bit. I don’t feel so nervous about weekends coming now that charging isn’t as necessary as it once was.
You can find other enjoyable activities involving your phone, like polishing what’s polishable.
My new phone actually has metal on it. I can polish it up and make it look real pretty.
Do you ever break the rules?
No. I always stay charged up in case I need a pizza or a taxi.
If you’re wondering by chance what happened to my 3P (Pink Pegasus Pet), I still have her. She’s fine, thank you!
I wasn’t wondering, but I’m glad to hear she’s fine. Gimmy says hi.
Hi Gimmy, have a nice day! ⬅️ message for Gimmy.
You made Gimmy smile.
Why? Is my salute tickling his ears?
He likes it when people talk about him on the internet.
Is he reading every single thing ?
I don’t know what he does while I’m sleeping.
Code red dry rain rn
That’s the driest kind of rain there is.
You don’t have the security cameras on? He is partying, you know that!!!
I don’t know why I wrote that. Maybe I was possessed by an alien, I am not sure. Blame it on the aliens!
I don’t believe that for a second. The problem is, we are the aliens. There are no aliens. The aliens are us!
Are you wearing glasses with green filter?
Is that an informative news intentionally relaxing? These days one can’t know when the news are good/bad/false/fabricated/ignorant/malicious/breaking/basic hard/international/political/investigative/scientific/sports/weather/financial/businesses/astrology/ lifestyle/health/motivational/gossip…or a mixture of all.
I don’t expect the news to be informative. I only hope it entertains me. If it does that, then I feel like a winner.
You are definitely a man of our times!
Right now I’m full of eggs, broccoli, bread, and chocolate. Breakfast was full of razzle dazzle.
You’re using “razzle dazzle” again! All your followers that voted now are upset and angry. Don’t give them motifs to sue you!
They voted for me to increase my use of the phrase razzle dazzle.
I don’t believe you. What fruits are you storing lately in your fridge cridge?
I haven’t been eating much fruit. I should. I always have tomatoes in my refrigerator. Does that count?
Sure it does. Mango ice cream also counts and banana split too.
I have an ice cream bar I’ll eat for lunch tomorrow with coffee. It’s going to be great!
Are you going live with it?
No, I already ate it. I really enjoyed it too. I’m sorry I didn’t live tweet while eating it.
Maybe tomorrow or some other time, when you have to wait for your coffee to cool down.
I’ll have to save up to buy another ice cream bar. I’m not made of money!
You could auction a pair of f.m.
What is f.m?
Fake moustaches
Freckles mist
Frog masks
Fun mushrooms
Fountain moss