I don’t have a uterus


I was sitting in a waiting room in an office building a few days ago when I realized something. I don’t have a uterus. Everyone around me had a uterus. Not me. I don’t have one. I didn’t know what to make of it. Did I feel jealous? Kind of. I mean, it must be great to have a uterus. I can’t imagine how much fun it must be. Sometimes being a man sucks. Big time.

Do I want a uterus? I don’t know the answer to that question. I may be interested in renting a uterus. I’m a very messy person. I’m sure that my uterus would reflect my personality. It would be a total mess. It wouldn’t be too surprising if someone didn’t find McDonald’s action figures from the 90’s up in there. Hoarding would have a whole new definition if I had a uterus. I can’t even begin to think of the stuff I’d save. Who knows, I might even put a few bags of Tootsie Rolls in it to eat later. Tootsie Rolls are one of those things that you never want to run out of. I wouldn’t have that worry if I had a uterus.

Would I take a uterus if it was offered to me? Maybe. It might make a lovely hat. I don’t know what a uterus looks like. I’m a man. I’m not supposed to know these things. I just know I don’t have a uterus. The word uterus is kind of beautiful. Nothing on a man’s body is as wonderful sounding as uterus. It sounds like an exotic far away land or maybe even a different planet. Have you been to uterus? No, I haven’t. But, I’ve heard wonderful things about it. That was my attempt at imaginary dialogue. I’m too tired to make it look all grammatically perfect. It’s been a long day and it’s too late to drink coffee.

A kangaroo has a pouch. A woman has a uterus. A man has a fake mustache. I wouldn’t mind knowing what it’s like to be inside a kangaroo’s pouch. Do you remember Hoppy from The Flintsones? I think Barney was inside Hoppy’s pouch before. I could be wrong about that. I was just thinking about The Great Gazoo a few days ago. It sure would be great to have a friend like him. I just shook my head like someone with cerebral palsy after writing that. I’m not sure why I did that.

To wrap all of this up… I don’t have a uterus. I’m not sure that I want one. I’m not convinced my life would be any better. You can’t teach a uterus to do tricks or play a piano. It might not be all that much fun to have a uterus.

Do you have a uterus? If so, talk about it in the comment section below. Who knows, maybe you’ll convince me to some day wish I had one too.

Michael

I'm a human being. Usually hungry. I don't have lice.

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Alina
2 years ago

A have a good news for you: you have a uterus!

Alina
2 years ago

You have forgotten that you and your wife are one. 🙂

Alina
2 years ago

What would you cultivate in your uterus?

Alina
2 years ago

Strawberries too?

Alina
2 years ago

And ice cream

Alina
2 years ago

Build a camp fire 🙂

Alina
2 years ago

Like the Sun?

Alina
2 years ago

Like the moon?

Alina
2 years ago

My phone battery is charged 77%, I needed to say it. Thanks for asking.

Sandy
Sandy
2 years ago

One thought i had on if you ever decided to accept the offer of a uterus. Welcome to the wonderful exciting world of feminine hygiene products.

Alina
2 years ago
Reply to  Sandy

That’s so scary for men. You are the best!

Sandy
Sandy
2 years ago
Reply to  Alina

77 is scary for men? Just idle curiosity, why?

Alina
2 years ago

77 feminine hygiene products ?

Sandy
Sandy
2 years ago
Reply to  Alina

oh! i thought you were talking about the number..like numerology or something. lol good grief!! There are at least 77 FHP probably. Have you seen that aisle lately? Michael would have to just close his eyes and pick and hope he got the right one.

Alina
2 years ago

I was born in ’77.

Alina
2 years ago

We are old, we belong to another century 🙂

Alina
2 years ago

Older than a mammoth?

Sandy
Sandy
2 years ago

I’m ancient compared to you two. How do you like being 40 something so far? I don’t think i’d want to be 20 again.

Sandy
Sandy
2 years ago

It is but people become parents at all ages now. My cousin was almost 50 when he married and at 52 became a father for the first time.

Alina
2 years ago

You are never too old to become a father if you have access to a healthy functional uterus, whoever might be owning it.

Alina
2 years ago

What about those who have a uterus and head lice?!

Alina
2 years ago

I need ice cream

Alina
2 years ago

Thank you for the question. I was expecting it; and the answer is: vanilla and chocolate.

Sandy
Sandy
2 years ago

meh, it’s such a gray day today, if i get my chores done i’ll have some chocolate.

Alina
2 years ago

I’ve decide to like my posts and my non posts even my absent posts.

Alina
2 years ago

Thank you! Have a nice day!

Alina
2 years ago

That’s so nice of her! Now you have one more reason to send her enchanting messages 🙂

Alina
2 years ago

Probably that solves all your problems even for your next 7 future lives. I can only dream about what you have got, even if I have no clue what that means.

Alina
2 years ago

You can find other enjoyable activities involving your phone, like polishing what’s polishable.

Alina
2 years ago

Do you ever break the rules?

Alina
2 years ago

If you’re wondering by chance what happened to my 3P (Pink Pegasus Pet), I still have her. She’s fine, thank you!

Alina
2 years ago

Hi Gimmy, have a nice day! ⬅️ message for Gimmy.

Alina
2 years ago

Why? Is my salute tickling his ears?

Alina
2 years ago

Is he reading every single thing ?

Alina
2 years ago

Code red dry rain rn

Alina
2 years ago

You don’t have the security cameras on? He is partying, you know that!!!

Alina
2 years ago

I don’t know why I wrote that. Maybe I was possessed by an alien, I am not sure. Blame it on the aliens!

Alina
2 years ago

Are you wearing glasses with green filter?

Alina
2 years ago

Is that an informative news intentionally relaxing? These days one can’t know when the news are good/bad/false/fabricated/ignorant/malicious/breaking/basic hard/international/political/investigative/scientific/sports/weather/financial/businesses/astrology/ lifestyle/health/motivational/gossip…or a mixture of all.

Alina
2 years ago

You are definitely a man of our times!

Alina
2 years ago

You’re using “razzle dazzle” again! All your followers that voted now are upset and angry. Don’t give them motifs to sue you!

Alina
2 years ago

I don’t believe you. What fruits are you storing lately in your fridge cridge?

Alina
2 years ago

Sure it does. Mango ice cream also counts and banana split too.

Alina
2 years ago

Are you going live with it?

Alina
2 years ago

Maybe tomorrow or some other time, when you have to wait for your coffee to cool down.

Alina
2 years ago

You could auction a pair of f.m.

Alina
2 years ago

Fake moustaches

Alina
2 years ago

Freckles mist

Alina
2 years ago

Frog masks

Alina
2 years ago

Fun mushrooms

Alina
2 years ago

Fountain moss

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