How to tell if your cat has diarrhea

As a fake blogger I feel it’s my responsibility to inform the public. There are times when this responsibility gets the best of me. When it does, I eat potato chips. Then I snap out of the funk and get straight to work educating the world at large. It’s not small task and I don’t mind it. I usually fit it in between watching episodes of The Banana Splits. If there ever was anything worth binge watching it’s that show. Just the theme song from the show is enough to make you tune into it.

I have an odd pimple like thing on my face

I noticed it when I woke up this morning. It kind of hurts. The skin around it is thicker than a normal pimple. It reminds me of an egg cooked over easy with a thicker than normal white part over the yolk. I’m sure that white part has a name. I’m too lazy to look it up. Just like I’m too lazy to look in the mirror and see what that thing is on my face. I sure hope it’s not a pterodactyl that got attached to my face during the night.

I always sit next to the guy who smells like garlic

It never seems to fail. It doesn’t matter where I am. I can be all the way around the world and the same exact thing happens. I sit down on the bus, and before long, someone comes along that smells like garlic. They aren’t there when I sit down. It’s always after I sit down. How can that be possible when it happens in countries far away from each other? I could go anywhere on planet earth and the person who ends up sitting next to me on the bus smells like garlic. I suppose there are worse things they could smell like. Have you ever sniffed a toupee sold at Good Will? If you have, then you know something smells worse than garlic.

Zestfully clean

I love how people scrubbing up or washing their hair in the shower always do so with a smile on their face during TV commercials. I don’t remember a single time when I smiled while bathing. Maybe I’m just a boring guy. I’ve also never just shampooed just one half of my head before. Like many of you I try to wash my hair at least once a month. Sure, it feels good to be under the shower and enjoy the warm wet water as it dances on my scalp. It’s never felt so good that I smiled. Maybe I’m doing something wrong. It might be time that I upgraded my shampoo.

I sure hope your cat doesn’t have diarrhea

I can’t help you if it does. Why would you think a fake blogger could help you anyway? I’m not here to give you answers. My job is to help you burn some time in between the nonsense we call every day life. The time when you’re waiting at the barber or salon to see if you do in fact have lice. Those few precious moments when you’re waiting what the pregnancy test says. That’s where this blog comes in handy. It’s for those moments in time when you need something to fill the space.

When I take this blog too serious I gum up. I don’t know if gum up is the right term. Maybe I should say freeze up. I don’t want to do anything that needs to be taken seriously. What’s the point in that? I see people taking stuff seriously every day and they really don’t accomplish much. They’re like drivers going around in circles on a race car track. The only time they know when the race is over is when the checkered flag comes out. Otherwise, those people would still be driving in a circle. Much is the same with people in their day to day lives. Some people never get bored of going around that circle. I’m the type who says forget about the circle and let’s figure out how to tap dance on rays of sunshine. It can’t be any worse than going around in a circle like a dog chasing its tail.

Call a vet

That’s my advice. You could try calling up just anyone. Free advice is better than no advice. Phone books really don’t exist today. They do if you can find someone old. You won’t actually get to use their phone book. They’ll spend too much time complaining about how small the print in the phone book is. Then you’re back to square one. You’ve got a cat with diarrhea and you still don’t know what to do.

181 thoughts on “How to tell if your cat has diarrhea

  1. Probably the cat was so hungry that had to eat garlic and to get rid of the smell drank a few cups of shampoo, the part that they don’t use in commercials, the pimple thing is because of the stressful situation not knowing if the cat would have its problem done in front of a mouse. That would be embarrassing. Poor cats! Hopefully I’ve learnt to not sit down in the bus, even if I am all alone in it. Thank You!

  2. Traveling by bus is fun enough regardless of the destination. Especially when the bus is crowded and you have to avoid being touched by visible or invisible individuals.

  3. My pet is pretty healthy. Others might say scary and loathsome, I just don’t listen to them. Its name is Darky. Maybe I will show it to you one day, I am not sure yet. I don’t want to cause any trauma to my dear animal. People’s reaction may cause it to hide in some shadowy corner and never come out. Thanks for asking! Have a great day!

    1. No, that’s her husband Bert’s job. His name is Albert. But, he thinks it’s “cool” to be called Bert.

    1. You’ll be able to talk to Aunt Martha and maybe even Bert later this week. They’ll be here and so will Gimmy. I’m still teaching him how to type.

  4. Are you going to make a live broadcast with all of them? Don’t forget to let me know the precise day and hour, I don’t want to miss a thing!

    1. I haven’t really been doing anything to keep my brain healthy. I’ve just been lying to myself about it. My brain must not be healthy enough to realize I’m lying to it.

  5. It’s kinda complicated, maybe some sort of a brain testing machine could answer to that. Maybe you can trick your brain to design such a smart machine. Good luck!

  6. They will never interact with each other anyway; it’s pointless to be jealous as long as you have enough blood in your system. I thought they get a minimal education in their schooling programs. Weird.

    1. It looks like you’ve never been in the same room with both lice and fleas. They are very jealous of one another. It could even be said they’re also highly competitive as well.

    1. I don’t know about that. My favorite thing to scratch in the whole wide world is mosquito bites. I sure miss he summertime!

    1. I was almost a Belieber last year and then I broke my elbow. The day I decided to announce I wasn’t going to be a Belieber I broke my elbow. Maybe I should’ve become a Belieber after all.

    1. I can honestly say that there isn’t a day of the week that I’m not in paid. I’m hopeful they’ll take the metal out of my elbow in a few months.

    1. Thank you. I’m looking forward to getting the metal out. I meant to say that I’m always in pain. I could only wish that I was getting paid for this.

    1. I’d accept payment in potatoes if it were possible. I might have a new post today. I’ve been working on it. It’s a short one. I learn that I don’t have a uterus.

    1. I hate potato salad. I do. I prefer greasy fried potatoes. But, I also like them baked as well. How do you prefer your potatoes to be prepared?

    1. I didn’t even care about charging my phone over the weekend. I had a long trip and the last thing I thought about was using my phone.

    1. I did. It was a long and interesting journey. I saw many different people from all over the world. I love immersing myself in different cultures.

  7. If you repeat this experience long enough , you will end up recognising people by their tribe. I really like to be staring at strangers, but only when they are not looking.

  8. I never watch them. Watching them encourages them to go on, they are after massive visualizations and am not ready to give them what they want, I am watching fat people eating, though… mea culpa!

    1. I love to watch fat people review stuff on YouTube. Actually, I like to watch food reviews in general. But, fat people do make better reviews.

  9. I’ve never smelled it, so I wouldn’t know. How does durian fruit smell like? The word “durian” sounds good, but I can’t convert it into any aroma.

    1. It smells terrible. Like natural gas and rotted vegetables. I don’t know how to describe it. Durian tastes worse than it smells.

    1. I saw people on TV eat it and I wanted to try it. Some say they like it and others don’t. I thought it tasted awful.

    1. Oh no! Do you live near a store? I don’t know what you’re going to do today. It’s Christmas unless you’re orthodox Christian.

    1. My wife is orthodox. I’ve been to church with her many times. I don’t know what it’s like in other parts of the world. I’m sure that it’s probably a little different here than it is there.

    1. Thank you. I hope you have a good New Year as well. I’ve given up all hope of every getting lice. I just don’t think it’ll ever happen.

    1. I’d love to win the lottery. Some of those jackpots are huge. I could buy a platinum plated gold fake mustache with all that loot.

  10. Wow! That would be a big fake moustache! And you could send it out there into the unknown as a gift to the unknown mind boggling space creatures.

  11. I’m going to have them take it out sometime this year. I’m in all kinds of pain. I’m in pain every day of the week. I’m tired of it to be honest. A few days ago was the one year anniversary when I fell. I think today it was one year ago that I had surgery.

    1. It’s been very difficult actually. The pain is very bad sometimes. I can feel the metal scratch underneath the skin. It’s like a scratch, but under the skin. It’s awful.

    1. I went to the doctor two weeks ago. I’ll probably have surgery in two months. I could do it now, but I have some traveling to do next month.

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