We all know that shopping for clothes with your ex-wife can be a tricky business. After all, you’re no longer co-dependent companions, just content to buy each other expensive gifts and haggle over who gets to spend the money. You’re (probably) bitter enemies whose main goal in life is to prove to the other person what a complete and utter loser they really are.
But perhaps, even more importantly, you’re two adults looking to buy some clothes. And that’s what you need to keep in mind. Forget your past, forget your future. There’s no time for that nonsense here. Whatever your relationship was in the past, at this moment, you are two people looking to buy some cool threads. Right here, right now.
So here’s how to make that happen:
Wear a Tie
This is a classic move. If you wear a tie, you project respectability and seriousness. And those qualities go a long way in making your ex-wife feel that she is in the presence of someone who really “gets it” when it comes to buying clothes.
Make the Star Wars Reference
Nobody wants to make a Star Wars reference in front of their ex-wife. That’s like wearing your most embarrassing T-shirt in front of your prom date after she cheated on you with that senior who played football. But when all else fails, a good Star Wars reference never hurts.
If you know your ex-wife is a Star Wars fan, say something about how the sales associates look like the Imperial Forces in Episodes IV-VI. Or maybe even make a joke about how your ex-wife likes the Imperial Forces.
She’ll appreciate it if you hit those points, and she’ll feel a little better about spending a few hours for a few things she really needs.
Ignore Her Style Advice
Your ex-wife is a lot of things. A good judge of clothes is not one of them. That’s why you need to make sure you ignore her. When she talks to you about the blue shirt and the gray pants, just say “uh-huh” and keep looking. She’ll get the hint.
Never Make an Emotional Purchase
Sure, you want to look attractive. But last time you looked attractive, you ended up married to your ex-wife and now look at everything that happened. Don’t make a mistake like that again.
If you do something you’ll regret, like buying some fancy Italian loafers, your ex-wife is going to bring them up when she is telling her friends about how much happier she is without you. And ultimately, your ex-wife’s unhappiness is the most important thing here.
Well, that’s it. You can now spend the rest of your life hating your ex-wife, hunting her down for new stockings or designer shoes, or you can just be done with all of that mess and move on with your life. Let the lawyers handle everything else. But for now, keep your head down, keep looking at the clothes, and make your ex-wife feel like she’s back in the good old days.
Good luck out there!
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