How to give a duck a haircut

I got this duck at a local pet shop because, to be honest, she was freaking me out. Look at the picture. She is so realistic! So…I get home with my new best friend, the duck, and just so happen to have scissors in my craft kit. I’m not even kidding you; crafty people are always prepared to confront their fear of birds. As soon as I get the duck home from the pet store, she starts making these soft little cooing noises like “duck” but with absolutely NO emphasis on any part of the word. It is like listening to someone with multiple personality disorder who just switched from the depressed one to the angry one, and this one is just really confused. I mean, at the time, I am not nearly scared enough to be acting out the duck I bought from a strange pet store, but I get there eventually. I’m not sure where I got the idea for duck hair, but I’ve heard it on a few other blogs and thought it was a great idea, so here is my take on the matter.

To begin with, you have to make sure that the duck is warm. Imagine if you were cold and standing outside, but then you went inside, and someone turned on the heat. You would immediately start to shiver and maybe even shake a little bit. It would be too much for your body to handle. These are the same types of sensations you want to avoid when cutting the duck’s hair without taking a warm bath first.

You may be wondering why you have to cut a duck’s hair in the first place. It takes a lot of work to give a duck a haircut! You want nice, smooth lines and no sharp edges. Ducks need to look good, so they can attract a mate. Obviously, most of you reading this don’t have a duck to give a haircut to, so here are some other options for your hair situation.

-Shave the hair off…but you need to do it before that duck gets out of the bath.

-Go to a professional…only if you can afford it.

-Call your dad…if he is a barber. I hear that a lot of them are hard to reach. They don’t even have any phone numbers listed in the phone book anymore. You have to leave a message on their answering machine, and they will return your call with crazy hair advice.

What do you do if the duck doesn’t want a haircut? Well, you can spend hours trying to get the duck to take the hair off with you cutting it off slowly, but by that point, either the duck is tired of being mauled by your scissors or she has decided she wants her hair back. You will have to let nature take its course.

If you are just going to shave her, make sure that you get the little fluffies in the middle of her back. Ducks have a lot of hair there. I recommend using clippers or something with sharp blades. You need to cut straight across, but there is no need to be all that nasty about it. The point of the whole thing is that once you are done, the duck looks like a real duck. If you are still nervous about doing it yourself, I would recommend getting some help. If you have a friend over, though, you probably won’t need much help.

If you are going to take her to a professional, make sure that the person cutting your duck’s hair is really good at it. A duck is a lot like a dog; you don’t want to make the poor duck feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. You want the person cutting your duck’s hair to take his time. If you’ve never gone to a professional before, you might want to start at a different place and ask if they cut ducks’ hair. If they say yes, you can ask them how they do it. If they are good at it, they will probably tell you some tricks and tips that will make the whole thing less terrifying for a duck. If they say no, you can still get a haircut, but I would just recommend leaving the duck at home.

If your dad is a barber, chances are he will be really excited to see you. He may even give your duck a little trim, too, while he is at it. Take your duck with you to the barber if you can. There is nothing worse than getting that first cut and thinking to yourself, “I have had enough of this. I’m never going back to a barber again.”

If you are shaving the duck, use a new razor with no hair stuck in it. There is no need to get all fancy, but at the same time, there is no need to be cheap. If you are taking your duck to a professional, make sure that the person shaving your duck is also experienced at doing it. I can’t stress that enough.

Now, this is my favorite part. Now your duck is ready to chow down at an all you can eat buffet. She will have lots of fun because she will look amazing. Just make sure to bring your appetite because Golden Corral has all kinds of delicious food that are suitable for humans and ducks. If you have a really big duck, take her to Ruby Tuesday. They have a special menu for big people too. Who knows, your waitress might give you a discount if your duck looks extra cute.

A quick recap:

1. The most important part of giving a duck a haircut is to make sure that the duck is comfortable.

2. Duck haircuts are easy to do at home or at a hair salon, but you should always check to make sure that they have had experience cutting ducks’ hair.

3. I would recommend getting your duck a bath before you cut its hair. This is because ducks are very dirty animals, and you do not want to cut it really dirty.

4. When you are giving a duck a haircut, the most important thing is to make it feel at ease. You want your duck to know that you are just doing it because you love the duck, and you want the best for it.

5. If the duck does not want a haircut, leave it alone. Do not force it to take its hair off; this could hurt your relationship with the duck and upset you both.

6. You can shave the duck’s hair in some places. This is more of an alternative to cutting it completely off.

7. You can ask the haircutter to trim your duck’s hair. If you have a very large duck, this is probably the best option because it will be more efficient, and you will not have to travel all the way to get it done.

8. If you cannot get a haircut for your duck, you can always shave it yourself as long as you take your time and do not hurt the duck.

9. You should only take your duck to the barber if it wants a haircut and you cannot do it yourself. If your duck does not want a haircut, you should just leave the duck at home. This will help both you and the duck avoid any harm to each other.

10. If you want to shave your duck’s hair, I would recommend using a new razor.

Whatever you do, do not get frustrated. A duck is a big responsibility, and it takes a lot of work to give your duck the perfect haircut. Just remember that most of the work is in the preparation. Once you are all done, it will be smooth sailing. And remember the most important thing: if your duck gets mad at you for cutting her hair, she probably just needs a bath.