If you’re anything like me, you’ve dreamed of drinking a big tall glass of squirrel milk. The problem is, you can’t run down to your local supermarket and buy squirrel milk.
Here is a helpful guide to getting your first glass of delicious squirrel milk:
Step One: Find a squirrel
It’s relatively easy to find a squirrel in an urban environment where they are infamous for their ability to survive almost anywhere.
Just check your yard or tree, and you should be able to spot a few.
Step Two: Determine if the squirrel is lactating
Ok, so this is probably the most challenging part.
Squirrels have a few ways of signaling that they are lactating. You’ll need to keep an eye out for one or all of these signs:
1. An unusually large or swollen chest area.
2. Swelling of the abdomen in front of the breasts.
3. Wide-set teats from which milk is dripping or can be squeezed out.
If you’re still unsure, try reaching out and grabbing a teat, and squeezing it. If you get milk, then it’s a squirrel that can be milked.
Step Three: Position the squirrel
Now that we have found a lactating squirrel, it’s time to milk her. The best position to milk a squirrel is on her back. She’ll tilt her head back and look into the sky, and it is easier to milk.
Step Four: Milk
It’s very simple to milk a squirrel. Find a teat that is swollen, and squeeze it. Of course, she’ll startle, but don’t worry about that.
If you feel a little resistance, that’s normal. Just keep squeezing until you’ve got a full glass of squirrel milk. Then, you can store it in the refrigerator or drink it immediately.
Note: Never drink milk from a squirrel that is not lactating. It will make you very sick and ruin your appetite for squirrel milk.
There you have it! I hope you enjoy your first glass of homemade squirrel milk. Please remember to keep a few alive for future milking!
You have learned how to milk a squirrel. You can use this technique for many other small animals that produce milk, like possums and even mice!
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