Clues That Your New Stepdad Might Be D. B. Cooper

So, your mom just married a new guy. There’s something fishy about this guy, and you can’t put your finger on what it is. But you’re pretty sure he’s not who he says he is. Here are some clues that your new stepdad might actually be D. B. Cooper.

1. He’s always wearing a big trench coat, even when it’s not cold out.

You need to think about this one a little bit. On the one hand, it could just be because your new stepdad is a bit of a fashionista. But on the other hand, it could be because he’s trying to hide something. A big trench coat is a great way to conceal a parachute.

2. He’s always carrying around a big suitcase.

Again, this could just be because your new stepdad is a bit of a neat freak and likes to have everything he needs with him at all times. But it could also be because he’s got a lot of money hidden in that suitcase. After all, D. B. Cooper hijacked a plane and demanded $200,000 in ransom. He might be keeping his ill-gotten gains in that suitcase.

3. He’s always talking about skydiving.

Skydiving is a pretty popular hobby, so this one might not mean anything. But if your new stepdad is always talking about skydiving and how great it is, it could be because he’s trying to make you think about the time he jumped out of a plane without a parachute.

4. He always has a dark tan.

This one is a bit of a long shot, but it’s possible that your new stepdad is trying to make you think he’s been on a tropical vacation recently. But the truth is, he might have just been hiding out in the woods for the past 40 years.

5. He’s always telling stories about “the time he got away with something.”

This one is a pretty big clue. If your new stepdad is always telling stories about the time he got away with something, it’s probably because he’s referring to the time he hijacked a plane and got away with $200,000.

6. He’s always talking about how he’s “not the kind of guy who gets caught.”

Oh boy, this one is a doozy. If your new stepdad is always talking about how he’s “not the kind of guy who gets caught,” it’s pretty much a dead giveaway that he’s D. B. Cooper. After all, the only reason he hasn’t been caught yet is that he got away with his crime.

If you see any of these clues, there’s a pretty good chance your new stepdad is actually D. B. Cooper. But don’t worry, you can still love him even if he is a criminal. Just make sure to keep an eye on him and don’t let him take you on any planes!