Raising the minimum wage

There has been a lot of talk in America about raising the minimum wage to fifteen dollars an hour. I’m totally against it. I know that may sound like a shocker to some people. How can anyone be against raising the minimum wage? That’s exactly what I’m going to talk about here. There may even be a good argument for doing away with the minimum wage all together. We’ll get to that a little later. I used the word “we’ll” there to make me sound more important. There’s no we, it’s just me.

How many yachts do these people need?

Everyone knows that minimum wage workers love to show off their wealth. What an eyesore it is to see a perfectly fine marina overran with yachts. It makes me sick to my stomach to see how they squander their wealth. It’s like they constantly want to throw it in our face. I get the drift. I’m not that dense. Just because you ask me if I want fries with that doesn’t mean I’m oblivious to the truth. I can see it in your platinum grill. Gone are the days when gold is enough for them. They’ve moved up to the world of platinum.

Do they really need all those golf courses?

How much golf can one person play? I don’t understand how these minimum wage workers find the time to play golf. It makes no sense to me at all. It seems they have an unlimited amount of free time. That gets under my skin. It’s all I can do to take a minute and have a breather. What gets under my skin even more is the fact they use golf karts. Why in the world are they too lazy to walk? I’ll tell you why, it’s because of their huge SUVs. We’ll talk about that later.

Then there’s the club house. It’s like a fraternity that none of us are allowed to be a part of. I get the fact that they don’t want to rub shoulders with the likes of us average people. Not all of us have the ability to earn minimum wage. Someone should remind them of that. Maybe then they’d throw us the crust of a panini sandwich from time to time.

Their cars are getting bigger and bigger.

Average Joe’s like myself ride public transportation. We find ourselves sitting in between a woman who thinks her pants is a toilet and a guy who’s been drinking since the night before. Ever try asking someone where the next bus stop is when they’re in the middle of filling their adult diaper? Don’t even attempt it. The drunk guy next to you only wants to talk about his ex-wife. This is the joyous journey of someone who doesn’t make minimum wage. We are stuck having to coexist with people who’s bladder has a mind of its own.

Minimum wage workers, on the other hand, ride in luxury. Today’s SUVs are bigger than ever. Those people could care less what impact those vehicles have on the environment. All they care about is making sure their caviar doesn’t get too warm in their climate controlled vehicle. If we’re lucky we’ll get a hold of that can on trash day so we can recycle it. It really is true that one man gathers what another man spills.

Teeth are for losers.

They have something called health insurance. Most of you will have to look it up. I only know it exists because of the AARP ads I see on TV. These people with health insurance go to people called dentists. Think of it as a doctor for your teeth. I know that sounds like a waste of energy. But, they do exist. These teeth doctors do all kinds of stuff or so I hear. I believe all of that is a waste. I just tie one end of a piece of string to a tooth and the other to a door knob. I slam it a few times and the problem is solved. Those fancy tooth doctors can keep their motorized chairs for those who make minimum wage.

They get all the good seats at nightclubs.

I hate seeing those minimum wage workers poke their heads out of a VIP curtain. It’s like they’re too good to drink with the rest of us. They aren’t sipping on a delightfully ice cold King Cobra like all of us. No, they have bottles of champagne sent to them in buckets of ice. They can keep their bubbly rotted fruit juice. That stuff isn’t fit to be put in a dog dish. You can taste the tears of desperation in each and every glass of King Cobra. Every sip is like listening to a country music song. You don’t know the words, but you sure know how it’s going to end. Before long everything is going to be gone including the dog.

The sky must be lonely while all alone.

Those who earn minimum wage don’t fly like the rest of us. We’re all stacked next to each other more closely than sardines in a can. Have you ever flown on a long flight with the window seat sitting next to two fat people? You walk out of the plane one dimensional. You’re flatter than a piece of notebook paper. Those people who earn minimum wage don’t have to deal with any of that. Just imagine the snacks they must get. They don’t feel grateful to get a tiny bag of off-brand snack mix. It wouldn’t be too surprising if they were eating organic chips while draining a can of gluten-free beer.

I don’t know what flying would be like without a muffled captain coming over the loudspeaker. Then there’s the whole thing of waiting to get off. I’ve sat in the very back a time or two before. I’m talking back next to the toilets. You might as well keep on sitting long after the plane lands. You’re going to be waiting a long time until moving forward. I just sit there and wonder how fast those people earning minimum wage get off the plane. Those guys are probably already in the airport and searching for overpriced reading material for their flight back home.

They eat fruits and vegetables.

Most of us haven’t seen an actual vegetable since the beginning of the millennium. The only vegetables we see are those that are in packs of ramen noodles. Not those blocks of ramen noodles that are a staple of diets of those who don’t earn minimum wage. I’m talking about the cups of what they call instant soup. I always feel like it’s Thanksgiving when I’m preparing one of those delicious meals. I know then that I’ll be getting my yearly taste of vegetables. I also be getting enough sodium to last an entire year too.

Then there’s fruit. You can guarantee that the only people who have fruit in their house earn minimum wage. It’s not possible for the rest of us to afford it. The closest thing we come to fruit is fruit flavored candy. The stuff full of GMO sweeteners that will make us grow an extra set of limbs. We’ll do anything to get that fruit flavor. Most of us don’t even know what real fruit tastes like. We only know what artificially flavored cherry stuff tastes like. None of us would be able to identify a real cherry even if it was in front of us. That is, unless you’re a minimum wage worker.

Only water from a bottle is good enough for them.

Let’s talk about bottled water since we’re talking about food. They only drink water that comes from a bottle. They’re too good to get lead poisoning like the rest of us. We don’t know what’s going to come out of the faucet. We only hope that whatever is in the water is good for us. Drinking tap water is much like playing scratch-off tickets. You know you’re going to lose one of these days. You just don’t know if the glass you’re about to tip is loaded with lead or not. It’s just a matter of time before you’re slurping down a glass of refreshing liquid that will cause irreversible damage.

I like how they throw away bottles of water that aren’t even finished. It’s like water can be found almost anywhere. Their gluttony is beyond belief. I don’t know if I’d like to get my water from a bottle. I like the excitement of not knowing what’s in the water I drink. I think bottled water is a waste of money. That’s not a concern if you’re earning minimum wage. This is just one of the many ways they rub their money in all of our faces.

All of the good real estate is taken.

Every scenic square inch of land is long gone. They’ve already gobbled it up. We’re stuck living in postage stamp size apartments. I live in an apartment so small I have to sit on the toilet while cooking supper. There’s no room in between the toilet and stove. Sure, it’s convenient to sit and watch my ramen noodles boiling in the pot. However, this isn’t ideal in the least. Not unless you’re feeling slightly under the weather due to drinking lead contaminated water. As everyone knows that stuff can go right through you. Maybe that’s why the toilet is so close to the kitchen sink.

Those who aren’t fortunate enough to earn minimum wage daydream about having big lush green yards. The thoughts of barbecues and children playing in them delightfully race through the minds of those of us who yearn to earn minimum wage. It’s never going to happen. Not as long as those deep pocketed jerks have their way. We’ll just be their servants until we’re too old to get the job done. All we are good for is mowing their lawn or cleaning their toilets. Beyond that, those minimum wage workers could care less about us.

Final thoughts

I’m not in favor of raising the minimum wage. I don’t think these people deserve a single red cent more. I actually think it’s a good idea to abolish the minimum wage all together. It’s high time we allow the market to decide what people are worth. I’d even welcome changing the hourly wage to something like a tipping system. Kind of like how waiters and waitresses are paid today. No one deserves to drive a brand new Cadillac every year. Come on man, let’s get serious. These people have it far too good.

While I’m talking about wages, I’m also in favor of getting rid of child labor laws. Why shouldn’t kids work? I say no kid is too young to work. There’s a million jobs that they could be doing. Look at their little fingers. Surely they can be put to good use doing something. I can’t see why a kid can’t go to school and pull a night shift working at a factory. The kids today are lazy. Plain and simple. I blame it on minimum wage. They don’t have to worry about improving their life one bit. The kids today know they’ll have the minimum wage to fall back on.

I’m not saying that all of these minimum wage workers are bad people. I’m sure some of them are okay. A person can only take so much. To say that I’m fed up would be an understatement. I feel like an outcast any time I’m near one of these people. They’re judgemental and always think they’re better than everyone else. Most of them don’t know what it’s like to struggle the way the average person does. Sometimes you just have to overlook people. Such is the case with those who earn minimum wage and think we’ll never live up tot their standard.

My first blog post

What happened to the other site? That’s probably what you’re wondering right now. Was it abducted by aliens? No. Did I sell it to pay for my brand new shiny fake mustache? Not I didn’t. The site didn’t work out the way I thought it would. There were several different factors in that and I’ll talk about them. The first one was me breaking my wrist and elbow. That was totally out of the blue. I should state the obvious and say I didn’t plan on breaking those bones. That really threw me for a loop.

I’ve tried to fully grasp the impact that the fall had on my life. At the time it was kind of hard to put all the puzzle pieces together. My wife had given birth to our daughter just a few months prior. This was one of the biggest changes of my entire life. I had no idea the impact that it had. Everyone says that having kids really changes your perspective. I really didn’t believe it. I just thought parents were being creative in their excuses for living what seemed like a very boring life. Come to find out that so called boring life is much more demanding than I thought. Who knew babies need help doing everything? I’ve never been around babies much. I was once a baby. But, that was a long time ago. Things have changed since then.

I have a lot of followers on Twitter. I thought those followers would visit my site. Turns out, I was wrong. I don’t know why very few of my followers visited the site. I tried to think about it and steam came out of my ears. It wasn’t smoke. Smoking is bad for you. Steam or vaping is in. You can’t smoke inside or people look at you like you’re the most evil person in the entire world. Isn’t it odd how cigarettes have become villians like that? Anyway, no smoke was coming out of my ears.

I was surprised by how few visitors my site had. The number was actually shocking. Some days there were no visitors at all. I’m sure there’s a blog post out there from 2007 talking about someone crocheting their dog a vest that gets at least one visitor a day. Maybe the server stats were wrong. I have a feeling they weren’t wrong. This made me think why wasn’t anyone visiting my site. Not just from Twitter, but no one was coming from the search engines either. Surely there had to be one person searching for something that my site talked about. Well, it seems like there wasn’t.

The conclusion that I made is quite simple: No one visited my site because it sucked. It had to suck really bad for no one to visit it. Just think back to some of the terrible sites you’ve visited in the past week. You’ve searched for some pretty stupid stuff. We all have. No one was searching for anything on my site. Not a single person. That’s kind of odd.

I think there are several reasons why I wasn’t getting any traffic from search engines. I don’t know if they could tell what my site was about. This is my first theory on why I wasn’t getting any traffic at all. I’m not so sure about that. There were enough pages that I should’ve ranked for something. I mean anything. That in itself doesn’t seem like a plausible reason. It probably added to the other problems that I’ll talk about in a bit. I’ll get to them after I go see if the ice cream truck is coming.

The ice cream truck is no where in sight. I think the main problem with my site was a lack of written content. I just don’t think there was enough words on the page. I think Google and the other search engines want lots and lots of text. They want each blog post to be like an ebook. This is my main theory as to why I didn’t get any visitors from them. I believe they saw my site and thought it wasn’t high quality. They were probably right. I do think people who visit sites are looking to read more than what I provided. I’m not sure how much people are actually looking to read. I don’t even know if anyone has read this far. I imagine at least one of you have. If you’re the type of person who likes to read, then keep on going. I’m going to type more words than you can count.

Why do I care if people visit my site?

This is a hard question to answer. Not as hard as what fake mustache I’m going to wear while buying a cheeseburger in the near future. I don’t know what I want to do with this site. I want to do something. I think I want to make money off of it. Sometimes I think about that and it makes me feel bad. It makes me feel like I just ate some bad durian. Have you ever eaten durian? I don’t how you can tell if that stuff is good or bad. I have a feeling the bad stuff may taste better than the good stuff.

I would like to change my profession and become a blogger. I don’t really know if I want to be a blogger. I always think of bloggers as people who have something useful to say. They want to teach you how to make a winter coat out of the fur your dog sheds. Maybe they have some sort of hardline views that they want to get across. I’m not really into any of that stuff. If that’s what a blogger is, then I don’t want anything to do with it.

I have been watching videos on YouTube about blogging and how to make money doing it. Usually those guys have really white teeth. I mean teeth so white they look like ivory. They have big smiles like a used car salesman who just got done selling you a lemon. I don’t know if I should believe them or not. I get the feeling that most of them just want you to buy what they have for sale. Most of them do have something for sale. There’s just something odd about how they intertwine their sales pitch with the free information.

How much money do I want to make? This is a question that I had to keep asking myself over and over again. Do I want enough to buy a cheeseburger? Yes. I’d even like enough to buy two cheeseburgers. This got me thinking… Why should I settle for a cheeseburger? I might be able to make more money. I may even be able to buy an entire foot long sub if they have them on sale for five bucks. Yes, I said bucks. I don’t like calling dollars bucks. Why did I do it there? I wanted to sound cool. After all, I very well could be a blogger soon. Us bloggers have to be entertaining to make any loot.

I think a million dollars is a nice round number. I’d like to make a million dollars with this site. Why not a billion? That’s just outrageous. No blog could ever make a billion dollars. You have to be realistic when setting your goals. I do think it’s possible to make a million dollars. Why not? I remember one time as a teenager I saw a store selling fake dog feces. It was a gag and you’ve probably seen this sort of thing too. But, it made me realize that you can make money doing just about anything. There’s nothing off limits when it comes to making money. Just think of all those hair bands in the 80’s that sold countless amounts of records. They too prove that anyone can make a buck.

I would also like to learn how to do all of this. By “all of this” I mean blogging and running a website. I’d like to be able to teach other people how to do it for free. I think there’s going to be more people down the line who want to do this sort of thing. Maybe we all can get together and help each other out. It’s a nice idea. Don’t worry, there won’t be any standing in a circle holding hands while singing like the Smurfs. I’m not a big fan of hats. Not unless they’re made out of cold noodles.

I don’t know what it will take for me to reach my goal. I don’t think I can do it using Twitter alone. I think I’ll have to use some other social networking sites. It’ll probably be quite some time before I get traffic from Google. Even then, who knows if that traffic is going to stick around. This is probably one of those sites where regular visitors will be needed. These are the people who will buy the super duper fake mustaches that I’ll have for sale. That’s gets me to another problem, making money.

I’m not too sure how a site like this could make money. I don’t really think there’s an untapped market for fake mustaches. People in those online money making videos say you need to select a niche. It should be something that makes money. I really don’t know what to write about that makes money. I’m not interested in writing about car insurance or camping gear. There’s a wide spectrum of stuff to write about and none of it seems interesting at all. I hate the idea of trying to sell stuff to people. I suppose I could do it in a very low budget informercial type of way. I do like watching those. If I had a bald spot, you better believe I’d be hitting it with a little GLH before walking out the door.

Part of me says that I should just write. Write about the stuff I like. Worry first about getting people to the site and then think about making money. I suppose this is probably the best way to do it. You can’t sell anything to people who don’t exist. I’d be a millionaire already if I could sell Mrs. Robinson a slice of carrot cake during my imaginary tea party. That imaginary woman only comes for the free tea. I’ve never seen such a tightwad in my entire life.

I didn’t enjoy running the other site. I used a premium plugin called Yoast SEO. I really think this plugin is garbage. It seems extremely out dated. It also made the admin of my WordPress very slow. I don’t know if it was the plugin or the host I was using. I have a feeling that it was the plugin. Though, there were some hosting issues as well. The experience of editing a blog post was terrible. Everything happened at a snail’s pace. I’ve never ever seen anything like this before. I didn’t even want to go through the hassle of updating my site. I’m not going to renew my subscription or use it any more. I don’t like it. I know there are people who recommend this plugin left and right. Not me. I’d only recommend it to Aunt Martha to occupy her so I could go out and do something crazy with Ricky. That plugin would keep her busy for hours and she’d forget all about calling me.

You should fully expect plenty of grammar errors. I’m not going to be too hard on myself about that stuff. It’s not fun and I’m trying to have as much fun as possible. Don’t be surprised if you need to take a few antacids if you’re an English teacher. I also expect that the design will change. I really don’t know what I want it to look like. I wasn’t happy with the other design. I’m not a designer and I need to use something out of the box. So, I’m kind of stuck with what’s available. It can be extremely frustrating when you can’t modify something exactly the way you want it. But, I don’t care about that any more. My main focus is going to be on written content. Everything else will end up taking a backseat.

I think that’s all I wanted to cover in this first post. Don’t worry, the other posts won’t be as serious as this one. I just wanted to make sure everyone understood what happened to the other site. I just didn’t like it. I’m not sure how much I’m going to like this site. I’m just going to focus on writing and having a good time. I have a feeling if I do that it will be a success.

I would also like to add that I’m looking to work with as many people as possible. You may be good at Facebook or Tumblr for example. I’d like to expand my social networking presence. I’m also looking to build a community of commenters. We all can comment on each others blogs. I think it’s important to build a community around a blog. Just having a blog isn’t good enough. I think a good number is 10-20 people. But, I’m open to more people. I think we all can help each other out and maybe make a little money in the process. Who knows, maybe we’ll make enough to go on a shopping spree at the Dollar Tree.

I don’t know how many people have read this far down. I thank all of you who have. I’m going to try to make a site that I can be proud of. It’s going to be a lot of work. I now understand just how much work it will be. I didn’t before. Hopefully we all will have a good time. If we do, then it surely will be a success.