Month: June 2019

Don’t forget to stay charged up this weekend

The weekend is here. I haven’t been looking forward to the weekend all that much. I’m having surgery on Sunday. I know, it’s an odd day to have surgery. I thought the same thing too. I’m staying charged up. I’m going to be awake when they take some metal out of my elbow. I don’t think they’ll allow me to live tweet during the surgery. My wife said last year I should ask them if I can bring my phone with me in the operating room. I didn’t ask them. I was too afraid that a funny YouTube video could cause me to look like RoboCop. You can’t be too careful these days.

I’m charging as I type this. It’s a good feeling. Maybe not as good as scratching a mosquito bite. But, it feels pretty good none the less. I always like looking at a fully charged device and thinking about all the possibilities. Throw in a portable charger, and you can have a fun filled day of YouTube and Twitter. It’s hard for me to imagine there was once a time without low-quality videos with people talking into the camera. Today we can watch people do all kinds of stuff that years ago would’ve been seen as a waste of time. What did those idiots know? It’s so much fun to listen to people ramble on incoherently kind of like you’re doing now. It used to be that the only time you had access to this sort of entertainment is when Uncle Bert accidentally took a double dose of his pain medication and went off the rails.

I don’t think space aliens exist

I fully understand that people reading this will think it’s pretty stupid for a guy in 2019 not to believe in space aliens. I don’t think they exist. I used to think that space aliens existed. I also used to believe that 7-Up Gold was a good thing. It was kind of spicy in a way that made you feel enthusiastic throughout the day. I fondly remember drinking 7-Up Gold thinking that this is as good as life can get. Then, out of nowhere, it’s gone. You can read all about 7-Up Gold here.

I think if aliens existed, we’d be able to find signs of life in space. There are no signs of life whatsoever. If you’ve ever flown in a plane and looked out the window, then you know what signs of life are like. You can look down and see the perfect patches of land that has been carved out by people. The vast swathes of wilderness prove there are no humans there. The same must be true with space.

You don’t need to look for radio signals or anything like that. We don’t need cosmic Papa John’s ads to know if aliens are real. You only need to look out into space and see that it’s a mess. No one in their right mind would leave space like that. The first thing any intelligent life form does is clean up the mess around them. Unless you’re me and you like the idea of looking at old Lay’s bags from 2003. Sometimes a potato chip is so good you have to preserve its memory somehow.

Don’t eat dad’s Father’s Day cake

Us dads have it so difficult. It seems almost impossible at times to not buckle under the pressure of fatherhood. Can’t a man sit down and enjoy a slice of his Father’s Day cake? If you’re Travis Stackhouse, then the answer to that question is no. Everyone else was enjoying the cake that was meant for him.

It looks like that boy of his finally learned his lesson. You don’t mess with a man’s Father’s Day cake. It’s the one day a year when everyone pretends to appreciate all that you do for your family.