Month: November 2018

I don’t have a uterus

I was sitting in a waiting room in an office building a few days ago when I realized something. I don’t have a uterus. Everyone around me had a uterus. Not me. I don’t have one. I didn’t know what to make of it. Did I feel jealous? Kind of. I mean, it must be great to have a uterus. I can’t imagine how much fun it must be. Sometimes being a man sucks. Big time.

Do I want a uterus? I don’t know the answer to that question. I may be interested in renting a uterus. I’m a very messy person. I’m sure that my uterus would reflect my personality. It would be a total mess. It wouldn’t be too surprising if someone didn’t find McDonald’s action figures from the 90’s up in there. Hoarding would have a whole new definition if I had a uterus. I can’t even begin to think of the stuff I’d save. Who knows, I might even put a few bags of Tootsie Rolls in it to eat later. Tootsie Rolls are one of those things that you never want to run out of. I wouldn’t have that worry if I had a uterus.

Would I take a uterus if it was offered to me? Maybe. It might make a lovely hat. I don’t know what a uterus looks like. I’m a man. I’m not supposed to know these things. I just know I don’t have a uterus. The word uterus is kind of beautiful. Nothing on a man’s body is as wonderful sounding as uterus. It sounds like an exotic far away land or maybe even a different planet. Have you been to uterus? No, I haven’t. But, I’ve heard wonderful things about it. That was my attempt at imaginary dialogue. I’m too tired to make it look all grammatically perfect. It’s been a long day and it’s too late to drink coffee.

A kangaroo has a pouch. A woman has a uterus. A man has a fake mustache. I wouldn’t mind knowing what it’s like to be inside a kangaroo’s pouch. Do you remember Hoppy from The Flintsones? I think Barney was inside Hoppy’s pouch before. I could be wrong about that. I was just thinking about The Great Gazoo a few days ago. It sure would be great to have a friend like him. I just shook my head like someone with cerebral palsy after writing that. I’m not sure why I did that.

To wrap all of this up… I don’t have a uterus. I’m not sure that I want one. I’m not convinced my life would be any better. You can’t teach a uterus to do tricks or play a piano. It might not be all that much fun to have a uterus.

Do you have a uterus? If so, talk about it in the comment section below. Who knows, maybe you’ll convince me to some day wish I had one too.